Monday, August 5, 2013

Another Year Gone By...

With today being my birthday, I thought that I would take the time to reflect on this past year as so much has happened.

By far the most amazing thing to happen this year was the birth of my son, Giovanni.


Being a mom has changed my life more than I could ever have imagined. I never knew that it was possible to love someone as much as I love this little guy. The type of love that I feel for him is different than anything else I have ever felt in my life. The only way that I can describe it is as this overwhelming, heart-exploding, obsessive type of love. Everything I do, even the smallest things, is for him and his future.

 (us at the horse races)

As most of you know, Giovanni was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy a few months ago. This diagnosis has completely turned my life upside down. After struggling for years with infertility, multiple miscarriages and complications, and then being plagued with a very complicated pregnancy and birth, I guess I just kind of figured that the easy life was coming. I mean, how much worse could things get?

Although I have a lot of unexplored feelings about his diagnosis (anger, fear, resentment), I also have a lot of hope too. All of the stuff I went through to have him has prepared me for this as I have become one strong mama. If anyone can handle this, I sure as hell can. Because of all the grief, pain, and heartache that I had to fight through, I am now prepared to take on anything. I was given Giovanni for a reason. This is how it was meant to be.

(my little beach bum)

(he LOVES to swing)

One important thing that I have learned this year is to let go...for the most part. All my life I have always been tightly wound, having the need to have complete control over everything in my life, including my immediate environment. This, in turn, has made me quite high-strung, high-maintenance, and very stressed. Giovanni has taught me that it is okay to let go of some of that as life is too short not to have some fun.


The other thing that I have realized, and this is a relatively new concept for me, is that we must live life in the moment. Just the other night as I was putting Giovanni to bed, I noticed that he was quite clingy. Every time that I tried to lay him down, he grabbed on to me and put his head on my shoulder. I stood there, holding him, singing softly in his ear. I started thinking about all of the things that I needed to get done so I needed to get him to bed. As I went to go put him down for the third time, he lifted up his head and gazed into my eyes. It almost seemed that time had stopped and I was seeing him years down the road as he wasn't a baby anymore. I quickly shook my head in disbelief and I was holding my baby again. It was right then and there that I realized how fast life is going by and that I would never get back the time that I have with him now. Once the moment is over, it is gone forever. The decision to stay with Giovanni and hold him as long as he needed me to was an easy one. One of these days he will be grown and have a family of his own, and I will be thankful that I stayed and held him until he fell asleep that night.

3 comments:

  1. Oh what a beautiful post. We all need the reminder to cherish our babies :)

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  2. Awe...this brought tears to my eyes! Yes- enjoy every hug and snuggle. I need to remember to slow down sometimes and just enjoy the moment. An obsessive type of love describes it perfectly! Happy Birthday!

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  3. i can't really believe that i am with my Ex-Husband back after when he broke up with me with 4 kids i thank Dr Atakpo of (dratakpospelltemple@gmail.com) for helping me getting back my man back, My Name is Mrs Rhona Cole i am from England and my man name is Mr Alan Cole, my happiness turn to bitterness,my joy turn to sorrow,my love turn to hate when my husband broke up with me last week,i was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, i was so unthinkable and i could not concentrate any more, i love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with another woman and this makes him broke up with me so that he can be able to get marry to the other lady and this lady i think cast a spell on my husband to make him hate me and my kids and this was so critical and uncalled-for,I cry all day and night for God to send me a helped to get back my man until i went to Westmoreland to see a friend and who was having he same problem with me but she latter got her Husband back and i asked her how she was able to get her husband back and she told me that their was a powerful spell caster in Africa name DR ATAKPO that he help with love spell in getting back lost lover's back and i decided to contacted the same Dr Atakpo and he told me what is needed to be done for me to have my man back and i did it although i doubted it but i did it and the Dr told me that i will get the result after 24hours, and he told me that my husband was going to call me by 9pm in my time and i still doubted his word, to my surprise my husband really called me and told me that he miss me so much Oh My God i was so happy, and today i am happily with my man again and we are joyfully living together as one good family and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr Atakpo of dratakpospelltemple@gmail.com, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that good spell casters still exist and Dr Atakpo is one of the good spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are there and your lover is turning you down, or you have your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore contact the powerful spell caster Dr Atakpo on his email: dratakpospelltemple@gmail.com and he will answer you, i am a living testimony and i will continue to testify of his goodness in my family,he turn my family to paradise and today we are all happy together Dr Atakpo i say thank you in one million times thanks Dr.

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