Over the past several weeks I have been thinking a lot about my future. Not just my future in the sense of what I want to do and how I want my life to be, but more along the lines of motherhood and where I go from here. Since it has already been a year since we did our last IVF, it is coming time to pay the yearly storage fee for my remaining six frozen embryos. With the craziness of getting pregnant, the complications during the pregnancy, and now just being a mom, I really haven't given much thought to my frozen embryos and what the future holds for them. I do know one thing for sure and that is that I am no where near ready to start thinking about having another child. I am the type of mom that wants to enjoy what I have and not rush through things just to get them done. Giovanni has already changed so much since birth and I just think it is important to enjoy it because before I know it he won't be a baby anymore. I just don't want to take this stage for granted as I know I will never get it back.
Many people have asked me if I plan on having more kids. Considering what I have went through, not only during this pregnancy, but everything before that just to get pregnant, I honestly don't know what to say. If things were going to be easy and I was guaranteed not to have the complications I had this last time, then yes, I would do it all over again. But can anyone really make that guarantee? One thing that we do know is that I cannot get pregnant and stay pregnant again without some type of intervention. We learned that the only thing that kept Giovanni in all that time was the scar tissue from the CKC I had to remove the cancer. The doctors had no idea how I was still hanging on with a cervix under 1cm, and now we know. While I know that infertility treatments are in my future if I do want to do this again, there is always that small possibility that, by the miracle of God, I could get pregnant on my own. Yes, we need to do everything we can to make sure that I don't get pregnant as my body cannot support implantation without heroic measures before hand, but again, what if a miracle happened and we were blessed by the fact that my body suddenly learned how to support a pregnancy on its own? This is where we need to take action now. Within the next few months I will be consulting with a physician who specializes in transabdominal cerclages (more in-depth post to come). There is a physician in southern New Jersey and one in Chicago that specializes in these. I actually spoke to the doctor in Chicago several times during my pregnancy as he specializes in incompetent cervix due to CKC so I am quite comfortable with him and am leaning towards going with him for this procedure. In short, a transabdominal cerclage is a stitch that is placed high in the cervix by making an incision in the abdomen. Traditional vaginal cerclages are placed vaginally but since most of my cervix was removed from the cancer, I am not a candidate for this type.
Even though there is a chance that I will never try and have another child, this is still something that my husband and I feel strongly about. Once it is placed, it is there for an indefinite amount of time. I look at it as a safety net...if we need it, I'll have it.