Friday, November 16, 2012

Things Change, Nothing Stays the Same

First of all I want to preface this post with a warning. I had surgery (yes, I know) on my foot Wednesday and I am a bit emotional from the pain and my unwillingness to take the pain meds that they gave me. So consider yourself warned...

For those of you who know me in real life, you know that I live for the Holidays. My most favorite time of the year is from Thanksgiving to New Years. The last three Holiday seasons have been awful. In 2009 we were dealing with our first loss; 2010 we were doing our 1st IVF which resulted in a heterotopic pregnancy; and in 2011 we were dealing with what we thought was a loss of pregnancy (from IVF #5) due to messed up Betas but it turned out to be from a poorly developing twin which we lost later in January. This is the first year in a long time that I can honestly say that I am happy and excited about the upcoming Holiday season. With Giovanni in my life I want to restart traditions that I once had and show him what family is all about. One problem...family isn't what it used to be. I understand that as time goes on things change, but I am finally coming to the realization how much it has changed. As dysfunctional as my family was, I can't help but miss the times when all of us were together. All of the aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. Despite the dysfunction, somehow, we were all able to come together for the Holidays and put the craziness aside. I am not the only one dealing with this as my husband is feeling this as well but it seems to be hitting him much harder. His family has gone through many changes through the years and now with everyone grown up with their own families, he is struggling with the lack of togetherness that he once felt.

The question of the hour becomes "How do we change this?" I don't know if there is an easy answer. The reason that it is bothering my husband and I so much is because of Giovanni. We want him to grow up knowing what family is and have him surrounded by those who love him. I know that it isn't critical at this point because he is so little yet, but as he gets older that will change. How do you reconnect as family when everyone is so busy with their own lives? If anyone can answer this, please let me know.

The other issue that my husband and I are facing is what to do if something was to happen to us. Since I really don't have family (no brothers or sisters) we are going to meet with a lawyer and put together a will so everything will be in writing. We have an idea what we want to do but approaching who we chose to be Giovanni's guardians if anything was ever to happen isn't the easiest thing to do. What if they decline? Then what? It just isn't an easy topic. First of all it isn't something that I even want to think about because I obviously want to be around to parent my child but it is also difficult to ask someone to take on this huge responsibility if something does happen. I know one way or another it will work out but getting there is no walk in the park!

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