Tuesday, July 31, 2012

You're Damned if You Do, You're Damned if You Don't

First off I want to start the post off by saying that I am absolutely amazed that I have made it to 36 weeks.

I really can't believe how big my belly is getting. Even the nurses and tech commented yesterday how different it looks since last Thursday. The downfall to this is that the stretch marks are getting worse. They are not horrible yet, but I know with three weeks left to go they will probably get worse. At this point, they are the least of my worries. I am actually loving my belly right now as I know it is doing an important job and doing it well. If being covered in stretchmarks means having a big healthy baby, then bring them on!

Now for a little bitching, Krystyn style...

I officially have reached that point where I feel that I can do nothing right according to other people. I know that I have a sarcastic bitchy side (that is just me) but lately, even when I am being nice or not being anything at all, I am being criticized by others. The first thing that is bothering me is the unsolicited parenting advice. God knows that I don't agree with how some people choose to raise their children, but guess what, it is none of my concern and none of my business. I don't go around telling other mothers what they are doing wrong or the best way to raise their child. I can't even respond to these "lectures" anymore without losing it so I now just say, in a very bitchy tone, "sorry, I didn't realize that your child is perfect". I do want to clarify that harmless information or people telling me what worked for them absolutely doesn't bother me. It is when someone questions a decision that my husband and I have made, or flat out tells me or implies, that they don't agree with my decision. Guess what? I could really give two shits?

The other thing that is bothering me are some of the comments that are being made, either to my face or behind my back, in regards to a recent email that my husband and I sent out. Last week, my husband and I decided that it was time to let everyone know what is going on and how it is going to impact things once Giovanni is born. An email was sent to immediate family, extended family, and one to friends, to inform them of some recommendations made by the immunologist and pediatrician. We are unsure how my CVID is going to impact the baby. Since I am considered immunodeficient and unable to maintain immunoglobin levels and build antibodies to disease and illness, it is speculated that Giovanni may not be born with the immunity that normal babies are born with. Granted babies aren't born with developed immune systems to begin with, but most babies are able to get some immunity through antibodies that the mother has while in utero. CVID is a tricky condition as it sometimes affects my general immunity causing me to run random high fevers with no explanation (last one was 105.8 with hospitalization) and it also keeps me from getting the antibodies from vaccinations. Some vaccines, such as Hep B, the pneumovax, and the flu shot, I am unable to get as my body blatantly rejects them. This is why I am a bit of a germaphobe as I don't have the normal immunological capabilities that most people have. Luckily we found a pediatrician who is very well aware of this condition and she, in conjunction with my immunologist (who happens to be the head of immunology at the medical center), have made the recommendation to limit Giovanni's contact with others for the first 8 weeks or so. They have indicated that having immediate family visit is fine as long as they have been free of illness for 7 days and also those who handle him need to have the pertussis vaccination. This in no way says that people must get the vaccine, it just means those who don't will be asked to refrain from handling him...which is no big deal. I completely respect everyone's decision to either get or not get the vaccine, but in return I ask that they respect our wishes as we are just following the recommendations from the doctors.

The response to these emails/conversations have been mixed. Some people have responded favorably letting us know that they completely understand and others have been completely disrespectful taking it as a personal attack as though we don't want them around Giovanni. At first I thought it was the wording of the email as my husband and I were very careful when we wrote it, but if it was poorly written how is it that others completely understand while others are insulted? Believe me, this is the last thing that I want to have to do as everyone dreams of a normal pregnancy and the standard delivery with visitors. Has anyone considered how hard this is for my husband and I? This is not a malicious or controlling move on our part, it is just us doing what is best for our son based on what the doctors are telling us. As I am writing this I am growing more angry that this is even an issue. If it is coming from the doctors, why is it even an issue? Don't people want what is best for Giovanni too or are they just interested in doing what they want? I shouldn't have to deal with this. If things went the way that the doctors predicted and Giovanni was a preemie and in the NICU, no one would be able to see him anyway. Shouldn't people just be happy that isn't the case? Why does everything have to be so hard and so confrontational? In the end all that matters and that my husband and I do what is best for Giovanni. While we understand that this is not the way it should be, if people have a problem with this than obviously they don't have Giovanni best interest in mind.     


  1. Ah, unsolicited parenting advice...because you have no clue and they have done everything so perfectly. Yep. It doesn't get any better. :(

    Love the bump!! You're so close!

  2. I told everyone who wants to see my baby to get the pertussis vaccine too. My husband and I also said no visitors for the first 2 weeks. It took us so long to get pregnant that we want to have a little alone time with the baby before the overbearing families start arriving.

    Bottom line, it's your child, your decision. We went through a lot to get to this point......don't worry what others say.

  3. Well said! Some people just tend to make EVERYTHING personal when it's simply NOT about them. You and your husband are the only ones who have any say in what is best for him. Congratulations on 36 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. My baby was born a pound and a half. I asked if one of my family members was ill, as I had just heard them cough. This was when she was 5 months old and in the middle of RSV season. Well, they were highly offended, yelled and made a huge deal of it, and ruined everyone's Christmas. To this day there is still discomfort and broken relationships. I never thought they would question my asking a simple question, as my preemie could have passed away if she got RSV or anything. People are selfish and mean. I'm sorry they've reacted like this to you.

  5. There are always people who will choose to be offended and upset. I think the clear choice is to deal with that later. Or enlist family and friends to talk to the jerks. Your priority is the health of your family and don't let anyone step on that.