Saturday, July 7, 2012

Bedside Manners, What are Those?

Yesterday morning I had my weekly appointment. As usual, everything was just perfect with Giovanni. He scored an 8/8 on the BPP and passed the NST with flying colors. The exciting part is that his breathing patterns are becoming quite regular so it is nice to know that his lungs are maturing like they should be. After my NST I had my appointment with the MFM. Due to some last minute changes and emergencies, I wasn't able to see the MFM that I was scheduled with and was forced to see the one that I am not all that fond of. Don't get me wrong, she is great from a clinic perspective and is very focused on what she does, but her bedside manners suck! This is actually the MFM that I have requested not to see anymore as I always leave my appointments with her in tears and confused more than ever. Yesterday I didn't have a choice but to see her as there was no other MFM in clinic...so I just went with it.

Before she came into the room as I was actually felling quite proud of myself. Here I am, almost 33 weeks and I am still pregnant. The MFMs doubted that I would make it this far but I did. When she walked in she smiled and made reference to how far I had gotten. When I expressed how pleased I was and even happier that I exceeded everyone's expectations, her response was "well, you aren't the first one to do so". Okay, was that meant as "you aren't anything special" or was she proud that there has been other women that have exceeded their expectations? I am very happy that other women do so well, and I am happy that I am one of those women too. The next comment really rubbed me the wrong way. Her exact words to me were "you can stop gaining weight now". Okay, and how the hell do you suggest that I do that? Since the baby has a few more pounds to put on and I will naturally put on weight due to fluid and growth of the uterus, should I stop eating? I can't even begin to describe how this comment made me feel. It isn't like I have gained an excessive amount of weight either. I will be 33 weeks on Tuesday and I have gained exactly 30 pounds! I am gaining about 1 pound a week which is completely normal, and if I make it to 38 weeks when they are going to induce me and continue with this trend, I would have only gained 35 pounds, which is within the recommended weight gain of 25-35 pounds. Yes, I am on the high side of that but I have been sitting on my ass for almost 13 weeks on bed rest. So actually if you take that into consideration I think 35 pounds is actually quite awesome. If I was able to go swimming or go for walks I probably wouldn't have gained as much. But still 30 pounds is not a lot!! I then found that I was defending myself saying that I really don't eat that bad. Once and a while I will indulge and I had mentioned that occasionally I will treat myself to French fries. She then told me that I should only eat three and throw the rest away. Really? What am I, five?

The hardest part of this whole ordeal with the weight gain is what it did to me psychologically. It has been hard enough coping with the weight gain and my expanding girth, but then to have someone criticize me just killed me. As most of my long time readers know, I have struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. All throughout my fertility treatments and pregnancies, all six of them, I have forced myself to put that aside and deal with it. I'm not going to lie, I have struggled like hell with this pregnancy but I have never relapsed once. I have become quite depressed at times where I won't get up out of bed and all I do is lay there and cry because of my new body image, but not once did I ever think about limiting calories or not eating. My husband has been a great support to me and realizes how hard this is. He is supporting me and coaching me every step of the way. After my appointment yesterday though, I just lost it. That ED psyche kicked in and I was heading towards a bad place. My husband must have sat and talked to me for over an hour to get me to see how ridiculous the MFM was and how she obviously had no knowledge of my past and didn't recognize how truly well I am doing. I am still struggling with this but I 100% refuse to let this effect Giovanni. This is almost over and I have done so well. I really need to give myself credit and be proud that I can control this. If I , there is no way I would have made it through 33 weeks of pregnancy without a relapse. I am much stronger than what I give myself credit for and I really need to stop being so hard on myself. I must realize that people are going to say insensitive things at times and that there are ways that I can cope with those comments. This weight gain is temporary but the miracle that is coming because of it is permanent. That is all I have to keep telling myself...

9 comments:

  1. OMG what a jerkie doctor!!! Some drs. have 0 bedside manner. I gained 55 lbs for my pregnancy and they didn't even say a word once to me. I think they knew what hell I'd been through plus i was not exercising either at the beginning for medical reasons...PLUS i had no nauseousness and extreme hunger/cravings so WTH?? I had to eat dammit! :) By the way, just gave birth on June 15 after my "fertility" hell. I am super proud of you for making it this far as you should be. Don't give the weight gain a second thought. It sounds like you're not off the charts (like I was) and you've gotten so far in this pregnancy. Incredible!!! Your baby will be fine I'm sure and that's all that matters. :) congrats on this incredible achievement. :)

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  2. Wow, I would NEVER say that to a patient! Not only that, but the weight gain really doesn't matter! First of all, you are right on track, and second, even if you weren't...who cares? Seriously. With my first, I gained 60 pounds, and my OB never said anything about it, and the baby was healthy! With my second, I only gained 14 pounds, and my OB still didn't say anything! Honestly, the baby gets whatever nutrients he/she needs no matter what. What an insensitive physician, especially with all you have gone through! She should be celebrating the fact that you have gotten to 33 weeks. And regarding that first comment...you ARE special!

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  3. Ignore that doctor! Goodness!!! You just focus on what's most important- keeping those babies in there! You have already done so good at this! Hang in there :)

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  5. Here from LFCA. What an idiot!! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I gained 40 pounds with both of my singleton pregnancies, and I had a different doctor each time. Because my starting weight was fine, neither one was concerned whatsoever. Keep on eating, mama! That baby needs you!

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  6. I'm also here from LFCA and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What a terrible thing to say especially since you have clearly not gained too much. I don't know why insensitive people choose careers that require sensitivity. You are doing everything right - trust yourself and keep it up!

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  7. Here from LFCA, too. There used to be one midwife in my practice who gave me a hard time about weight gain. To be fair, I was overweight to begin with, and I gained 46 pounds. But she wasn't exactly tactful about it. After my son was born, I joined a parenting listserve and found out that several others had complaints about this woman and her obssession with weight gain. People can be so insensitive!

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  8. You really don't deserve that kind of treatment. I have also had some bad experiences with doctors and as a result I moved on. The fertility clinic and the ob/ gyn have both been very good to me.

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  9. Oh good freakin' gravy! I gained 35-40 lbs with all my pregnancies and I was active for most of them. Scales are charts are stupid, for the most part. Like our education system, they don't bend for the individual. You're doing fantastic. The doctors can deal with your cervix. Otherwise, screw them and just grow and have this baby!

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