Saturday, June 23, 2012

Decisions, Decisions...

Yesterday I went in for my usual BPP and NST followed by my MFM appointment. I started freaking out a bit as part of the BPP score includes a breathing sequence and Giovanni was not cooperating. The tech was confident that it would happen but Giovanni only had 30 minutes to complete this task otherwise they told me that I would have to go to L&D to be evaluated. During my BPP on Monday Giovanni apparently did his breathing sequence right away as the entire test only took about 10 minutes. The tech had me roll from side to side to get him to breathe. He was moving like crazy but there was no movement from his diaphragm. Finally, after about 20 minutes, his little diaphragm finally started moving up and down and I could tell that the tech was quite relieved. He also fell asleep during the NST so I had to drink some juice to wake him back up as they needed a few more accelerations in the hear rate to pass him. The little stink just wanted to be stubborn I guess.

Right after finishing up with the NST I met with the Chief MFM. I was very excited about this visit as he is the only one who is making decisions now about how things are going to go with me. The first thing he informed me of was that he was impressed with the way things were looking this week so he decided to knock me down to weekly BPPs, NSTs, and doctor visits from twice weekly. He also said that I definitely had an amniotic leak last week as that was the only explanation for why my AFI suddenly decreased over 50% in 6 days. The fact that my AFI was back to normal indicated that the leak resealed itself although there is no guarantee that it isn't going to happen again. Next I decided to ask about the plan for delivery as I was very anxious about hearing what his plan was. Even after two of my specialists recommended a c-section, he expressed that he is not comfortable doing one on me. He said that with all of my complications (bladder failure, APS, my CVID) it is just too risky. He said that he has seen things go very bad very quickly and I have a lot working against me. He came right out and said that with the APS I risk losing a lot of blood and complications with other organs, and any of those things could result in major problems or even death. He is also very worried about the risk of infection with my CVID with a c-section. The only way that he would do a c-section on me is if something wasn't going right with the vaginal birth. There are a lot of variables and one concern is my cervical stenosis from the cervical CA and not knowing if I am going to dilate at all. He did tell me that I would be induced at 38 weeks because of my history, but he truly believes that I will not make it that far, and frankly, neither do I. I asked him to make an educated guess when he thinks labor will start and he said "I just hope you make it to 35 weeks as 35 weekers generally do not go to the NICU". He is confident that my water is going to break and that is what is going to determine when I deliver, not a date on the calendar. I was content with this until I realized that 35 weeks is only 4 weeks away. I am in pure panic mode as I am terrified of all this happening. I know that we are in a good place with Giovanni's development, but knowing that this is all going to happen sooner rather than later is scaring the shit out of me. I live an hour from the medical center so we need to have a plan. My husband needs to stay close by as no one I know lives close to me and I don't think that I could drive myself to L&D in active labor. The one thing that I keep reminding myself about that helps put this all into perspective is when I went into preterm labor at 23 weeks and how terrified I was then. We are in a MUCH better place now. I asked him if this will finally be my take home baby and he said "yes, this will be your take home baby". That is all I needed to hear.  


  1. Sounds like things are going fairly well, all things considered. You're in the home stretch now! I am thinking about you often, and wishing you the best for a healthy delivery!

  2. Thinking of you. I hope the next couple of weeks are calm and you can get some rest before the vavy arrives!!

  3. Hello from ICLW - hope the next few weeks fly by for you! Best wishes to you.