Thursday, June 28, 2012

It's Different for an "Infertile"

It has been a long time since I have written one of my well thought out, emotionally vulnerable posts. Since there is something that has been bothering me for a while, I thought now was a good time to get it all out. This post is not meant to offend anyone but it is just thoughts and feelings that I need to get out.

Over the past few weeks I have noticed that I have become more sensitive about my pregnancy. I have always felt a bit isolated from my pregnant friends given everything it took to get pregnant and now everything it is taking to stay pregnant. To a certain extent, I have always felt a bit awkward talking to "normal" women about pregnancy as I have always felt disconnected from them. I obviously know why but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I realized the extent of these feelings. Normally, a woman and a man come together and have a random night of passion and randomly become pregnant or a woman and a man plan to have a baby and go through the wonderful process of temping and charting and generally within a year they get pregnant. There are also couples who struggle a bit and either get pregnant with their first IVF or even after using Clomid to induce ovulation. Then there are those who have been to hell and back. Multiple failed cycles, losses, complications, testing with no answers, just sheer heartache and horror. By no means is one person's pain more significant than another, but there is a threshold that you hit at some point in the journey where everything changes. Not only do you have to do IVF after IVF, you also have to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of being betrayed by your body. You get pregnant time and time again only to have your body fail you and rip that joy away from you. At some point you begin to hate your body. You realize that you cannot trust your body. This is the point I am at with this pregnancy. My body has failed me so many times that I am terrified of it doing it again. I know that I have made it this far, but since I am getting so close to the finish line, I can't help but be terrified about something happening. As much as I want Giovanni to stay inside and cook until he is ready, there is a part of me that wants him to come as soon as he is safe so that my body doesn't have time to betray me. I am not scared, I am terrified. My non-pregnant friends don't and can't understand this. Most women want to stay pregnant for as long as possible because they believe that the safest place for their baby is in their belly. Infertiles like me, while we don't want our babies born premature, we want the babies out in the world where medicine can keep them safe and alive as we have no proof that our bodies can accomplish this. Quite the contrary.

This is where I am at emotionally. Every little pain, cramp, and twinge sends me into a frenzy. I lay still more often than not as I want to be sure that he is moving. I have even resorted to the doppler a few times as I was just so panic stricken that the only thing that would make me feel better is the sweet sound of his heart beating away. I am by no means trying to offend anyone with this post, this is just what I am feeling at the moment. It is hard talking to those I used to be so close to as not many people can understand what I have been through and how it is impacting me now. I will never be the one who got pregnant with their first IVF. I will never be the one that doesn't know the pain of multiple losses. I will never be the one who just sails through pregnancy without any problems. I am the one who knows the pain, the heartache, and the uncertainty that pregnancy brings. I am the one who knows that bad things happen all the time. I am the one who knows that your body can deceive you. I just pray that I will be the one who knows the joy and the happiness of holding my baby in my arms, alive and healthy.  

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

31 Weeks

How Far Along: 31 Weeks

Size of Baby: This week the "average" baby is measuring approximately 16.18 inches crown to heel and is weighing in around 3.31 pounds. We are blowing these averages out of the water though as Giovanni exceeded this over a week ago when he was already 3 1/2 pounds!

Picture of Baby: Nothing good to share. We got a few pictures last week but they are kind of freaky looking at he is looking at the camera. 

Maternity Clothes: I finally had to give in and buy maternity/nursing nightgowns as my belly is just too big for oversized non-maternity nightgowns.

Weight Gain: 27 pounds. I am gaining between 1-2 pounds a week now so I am hoping to end up only gaining approximately 35 pounds. I am so happy that I was careful in the 1st and 2nd trimesters as I knew the 3rd trimester would bring the most weight gain. Yay for good planning!!

Belly: No new pics this week.  
Stretch Marks: Nope, none yet. 

Sleep: Giovanni is consistently waking me up at 1:30am, 4:30am, and 7:30am with his punching and kicking. I am thinking that this is going to be his feeding pattern once he is born. 

Best Moment of the Week:  Having a date night with my husband. Yesterday evening he brought me to my favorite home decorating store as they were having their huge semi-annual sale. After buying a few things we went to see "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", and then out to dinner. It was so nice!

Movement: I am noticing that the movements are becoming quite a bit stronger. My husband can now watch my belly move from across the room.

Symptoms: Fatigue and thigh and back pain. The first trimester fatigue is back with a vengeance. Yesterday I was in bed until about 10, ate breakfast, and went back to sleep until about 2.

Food Cravings: Still craving fruit.

Gender: Still a boy.

What I Miss: Having control over my body. I can't wait until I have control over when I pee and when I sleep. Apparently the pee thing will take a while to recover from and I know very well that I will not dictate when I sleep, at least for the next 18 years. So yeah, I guess that I am going to be missing these things for a while, huh?

What I'm Looking Forward to: I'm not really sure. I guess I am just really scared at this point. My MFM said that he hopes that I can make it to 35 weeks but is pretty sure that my body will go into labor on its own sometime between now and 35 weeks. It is scary just sitting around waiting for that to happen.

Nursery: Still waiting on the paintings and personalized blocks to be shipped. Once this happens and we hang everything up, the nursery will be done with the exception of the rocker...which is still "in production" as I had to choose a custom fabric. Here is a picture of the rocker:

Weekly Wisdom: A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn into glorious success. 

Milestones: I will be happy when I get to 32 weeks but even happier at 35 weeks.  

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Decisions, Decisions...

Yesterday I went in for my usual BPP and NST followed by my MFM appointment. I started freaking out a bit as part of the BPP score includes a breathing sequence and Giovanni was not cooperating. The tech was confident that it would happen but Giovanni only had 30 minutes to complete this task otherwise they told me that I would have to go to L&D to be evaluated. During my BPP on Monday Giovanni apparently did his breathing sequence right away as the entire test only took about 10 minutes. The tech had me roll from side to side to get him to breathe. He was moving like crazy but there was no movement from his diaphragm. Finally, after about 20 minutes, his little diaphragm finally started moving up and down and I could tell that the tech was quite relieved. He also fell asleep during the NST so I had to drink some juice to wake him back up as they needed a few more accelerations in the hear rate to pass him. The little stink just wanted to be stubborn I guess.

Right after finishing up with the NST I met with the Chief MFM. I was very excited about this visit as he is the only one who is making decisions now about how things are going to go with me. The first thing he informed me of was that he was impressed with the way things were looking this week so he decided to knock me down to weekly BPPs, NSTs, and doctor visits from twice weekly. He also said that I definitely had an amniotic leak last week as that was the only explanation for why my AFI suddenly decreased over 50% in 6 days. The fact that my AFI was back to normal indicated that the leak resealed itself although there is no guarantee that it isn't going to happen again. Next I decided to ask about the plan for delivery as I was very anxious about hearing what his plan was. Even after two of my specialists recommended a c-section, he expressed that he is not comfortable doing one on me. He said that with all of my complications (bladder failure, APS, my CVID) it is just too risky. He said that he has seen things go very bad very quickly and I have a lot working against me. He came right out and said that with the APS I risk losing a lot of blood and complications with other organs, and any of those things could result in major problems or even death. He is also very worried about the risk of infection with my CVID with a c-section. The only way that he would do a c-section on me is if something wasn't going right with the vaginal birth. There are a lot of variables and one concern is my cervical stenosis from the cervical CA and not knowing if I am going to dilate at all. He did tell me that I would be induced at 38 weeks because of my history, but he truly believes that I will not make it that far, and frankly, neither do I. I asked him to make an educated guess when he thinks labor will start and he said "I just hope you make it to 35 weeks as 35 weekers generally do not go to the NICU". He is confident that my water is going to break and that is what is going to determine when I deliver, not a date on the calendar. I was content with this until I realized that 35 weeks is only 4 weeks away. I am in pure panic mode as I am terrified of all this happening. I know that we are in a good place with Giovanni's development, but knowing that this is all going to happen sooner rather than later is scaring the shit out of me. I live an hour from the medical center so we need to have a plan. My husband needs to stay close by as no one I know lives close to me and I don't think that I could drive myself to L&D in active labor. The one thing that I keep reminding myself about that helps put this all into perspective is when I went into preterm labor at 23 weeks and how terrified I was then. We are in a MUCH better place now. I asked him if this will finally be my take home baby and he said "yes, this will be your take home baby". That is all I needed to hear.  

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

30 Weeks (and 1 day)

Just wanted to post a quick update about my appointment yesterday before I get into my weekly post. I went yesterday afternoon for my first BPP and NST since being released from the hospital with a suspected leak. First they did the growth scan which I will detail below. The also did the BPP and we passed with flying colors. My fluid levels are back up to where they were before I had "the leak" and my AFI was 17 (was an 8 last Thursday). My cervix was measuring 2.4cm so that was great news! The NST also went perfectly. I have a bunch of questions for the MFM (the Chief) that I am seeing on Friday so I will update as soon as I have the answers to my questions.

How Far Along: 30 Weeks

Size of Baby: This week the "average" baby is measuring approximately 15.71 inches crown to heel and is weighing in around 2.91 pounds. We had our 30 week growth scan yesterday and Giovanni's estimated weight is 3lbs6oz. and that puts him in the 60th percentile. His femurs and humerus bones are measuring about 1 week behind, h\is stomach is measuring about 1 week ahead, and his head is measuring 2-3 weeks ahead. Thank God I am having a c-section!!!  

Picture of Baby: I am afraid that we might not have any more pictures to share. Giovanni has been head down, plastered against my cervix since about 21 weeks. Since then he has discovered how cozy the placenta is and refuses to move out of it. They try like hell to get me good pictures but he just won't cooperate. 

Maternity Clothes: This past week I attempted to put on a pair of my cute maternity jeans that I wore when I first got pregnant but they have the demi panel and are so uncomfortable. That tight squeezing feeling is enough to make me scream.

Weight Gain: I am up a total of 25 pounds. 

Belly: My husband was a saint and brought me up to the lake in my wheelchair to have lunch. I stood up long enough to take this picture.
Stretch Marks: Nope, none yet. 

Sleep: I really can't complain. I get up a lot at night either due to pain or to pee, but overall it isn't bad.

Best Moment of the Week:  Being congratulated by my MFM for making it to 30 weeks.

Movement: Constant. I had a NST yesterday and in 20 minutes he had well over 60 movements. My little hyperactive boy!

Symptoms: The 3rd trimester symptoms are officially in full effect. I have swelling in my calves and ankles (only when it is hot or if I am in the wheelchair for too long) and I have been getting horrible calf cramps at night. Ugh! 

Food Cravings: Fruit. Fruit smoothies. Fruit bars. Anything fruit.

Gender: Still a boy.

What I Miss: Being able to move quickly. There is nothing quick about my movements anymore.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Scheduling a delivery date. I have an appointment with the Chief MFM this Friday so I am hoping that he will schedule it at that point or at least tell me when it is going to be. Everyone has their own opinions but it is up to him. He is the one who knows my history the best and referred me to specialists for evaluation so I think that it should be up to him and no one else. Whatever he says goes.

Nursery: Still working on the finishing details. I ordered a set of personalized nautical blocks yesterday from Etsy. Can't wait to get them!

Weekly Wisdom: None this week. 

Milestones: Next milestone (the huge one) is 32 weeks. 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

It Never Ends

Just wanted to post a quick update as so much has gone on since my last post. On Wednesday my husband got me out of the house and took me to Buy Buy Baby (in my wheelchair of course) to pick up some items with gift cards that we got from the baby shower. As usual, I had to pee about halfway through our shopping trip. As I stood up after finishing my business, a small gush of fluid came out. I immediately got scared but in the end figured that it was just pee. All night I also noticed an increase in the wetness of my pantyliner but didn't think much of it. Thursday morning I got up and ate breakfast as usual. Later that morning I went to the bathroom and remembered what had happened the day before. This time as I was standing up, nothing happened. I went to go wash my hands and that is when it happened. I had this warm gush of fluid that I couldn't control. At first I was pretty convinced that I was bleeding but immediately checked and noticed that it was clear fluid. Again, it wasn't a huge gush, but enough to soak my entire pantyliner. Thankfully I had an appointment a couple hours after that happened so I knew that it would be looked into.

When I got to the doctors office, I was notified that ultrasound was backed up so I would see the MFM first. I explained to the MFM what had happened so he did a speculum examination and noted pooling on the speculum. He was concerned, but not overly concerned. I didn't pay attention to much during the ultrasound as I was too focused on looking at the baby and making sure he was fine. The tech went out to get the MFM to measure my cervix and that is when I started looking at the screen. I noticed my AFI was only an 8 and even though I couldn't remember the number from the week before, I knew that it was much higher. The MFM walked in and said that he was quite concerned. In 6 days my AFI went from almost 17 down to an 8. I lost over 50% of my fluid in less than a week. He measured it again and came up with the same number. He then told me that I needed to immediately go over to L&D to get checked out.

I was really upset as the second class of my breastfeeding series was that night but I knew that something was wrong. As we were checking into L&D the Chief MFM came out and asked me what was going on. He said that if I was still leaking that I would have to get Magnesium again and that I would be staying until I delivered the baby. At this point I was sobbing. After checking in, my husband wheeled me back to my room. The Litmus paper was positive for amniotic fluid, but the Amnisure was negative. Since they weren't able to tell for sure what was going on, they admitted me and scheduled me for an Amnio dye test for the morning. The good news was that my cervix was completely closed and measuring about 1.7cm.

The next morning the Chief MFM came in to explain things to me. He said that something happened but they weren't sure what. He said that the dye test would confirm a leak and a doppler would rule out any issues with the placenta. Since I have APS, it is quite common to have placental issues where the blood flow is insufficient. A couple hours later they came to get me for the Amnio. I was absolutely terrified about the thought of this needle going through my stomach. As he inserted the needle, I held a towel over my face so I couldn't look. I immediately felt an awful cramp and was told that it was in. They took out some fluid to run an LBC to test for lung maturity and also a culture for infection. They then inserted the dye. After they removed the needle they shoved (yes shoved) a dry wad of gauze up inside of me so they could tell if I was leaking. I actually think the insertion of the gauze was worse than the Amnio. They immediately brought me back to my room and hooked me up to the monitor. I had some pretty good contractions afterwards, but I guess that is completely normal. Two hours later the resident came in to remove the gauze. Luckily it was clean so there was no active leak. The cultures from the Amnio were not back but the LBC showed that his lungs were no where near ready. Anything over a count of 50,000 is mature and my reading was only 4,000 so we have a long way to go. Since I didn't have an active leak, they decided to send me home with the condition that I come in twice a week for NSTs and BPPs. They said that this way they can keep a close eye on things but I don't have to stay in the hospital.

I go back on Tuesday for a NST and BPP. I am really hoping that things have improved and that there isn't any problems. My MFM said that this doesn't just happen for no reason, but the reason is unknown at this time. I have to admit that I am a bit anxious and have been counting Giovanni's movements consistently throughout the day. They told me that if anything changes, anything at all, that I am to return immediately to L&D. I am praying that everything will be okay!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

29 Weeks

How Far Along: 29 Weeks

Size of Baby: This week the "average" baby is measuring approximately 15.2 inches crown to heel and is weighing in around 2.54 pounds. Since we are measuring quite a bit ahead I have a feeling that we are closer to 3 pounds at this point. Our next growth scan is a week from this Thursday. 

Picture of Baby: At every single weekly ultrasound I make the tech confirm that we are still having a boy...and this has been since we found out at 15 weeks. This last week the tech was kind enough to give us a picture for proof.
(I will save this for his first girlfriend)

(This is obviously not a pic of his penis (thank God!) but I wanted to show off his little muscly arm)

Maternity Clothes: I am to the point where I hate wearing clothes, period! By the time evening rolls around everything that is on my body is bothering me as I am so bloated and itchy.

Weight Gain: I can't remember exactly but I believe that as of last Thursday I was up 22 pounds.

Belly: No new ones this week.
Stretch Marks: Hmm... I have stretch marks from when I used to be extremely heavy (as a teenager) and it seems that they are a bit more noticeable now. I don't think that there are any new ones but time will tell. I actually just started using BioOil as I have a scar the runs the entire length of my chest and abdomen (previous surgery) and the scar feels like it is ripping apart. I am hoping that keeping it moisturized helps.

Sleep: Hit and a miss. Some nights I sleep like a baby while others I lay wide awake all night.

Best Moment of the Week:  Putting up the mobile on the crib. I know this probably sounds a bit corny, but once I had it installed I wound it up and listened to it play "Rock a Bye Baby" and all I could do was stand there and sob. It hit me that this is really happening and that I will have a little boy sleeping in that crib shortly.

Movement: Non-stop. I really don't think LC ever sleeps!!

Symptoms: Fatigue...again. I am reliving the 1st trimester fatigue all over again. By about 6 or 7 at night, if I don't take a nap, I am to the point where I am delusionally tired. Thank God for naps! 

Food Cravings: I have a love/hate relationship with food lately. I am hungry, but the food and the baby seem to be actively competing for the room in my belly. If I eat to much I can feel Giovanni stretch his feet into my stomach like he is trying to push it out of his way. Not a good feeling when you have just eaten a larger meal. Ugh!!

Gender: See ultrasound photo above.

What I Miss: Having control over my body.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Scheduling a delivery date. I have an appointment with the Chief MFM a week from Friday so I am hoping that he will schedule it at that point. I know approximately when it will be but I am anxious to have an exact date and time. 

Nursery: Coming along nicely. The custom roman shades I ordered for the windows came in on Monday so my husband will be installing those this week. We also finally decided where to put all the wall hangings so we will get going on that too.

Weekly Wisdom: Even miracles take a little time. 

Milestones: From a safety standpoint, 32 weeks. I will, however, be excited once I hit the 30 week mark.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Steroid Update

I just wanted to post a quick update as I received a ton of emails checking on me to make sure everything is okay. Love you guys!!

I went in Friday afternoon to get my second steroid shot and when the nurse came in, I completely lost it. I told her how distraught I was after my appointment on Thursday and I feel like I walked out of there with no answers. She had the MFM covering clinic that day come in to talk to me. He didn't seem thrilled that nothing was done considering I had a cervical length of 8mm the day prior. He told me that I should just go right over to the hospital as that was probably the best place for me. I asked him to reevaluate my cervix before making that decision as I really don't want to sit in the hospital if I don't have to. I asked him about my concerns regarding dilation and he said that since my cervix is flush with the vaginal wall, it is very difficult to tell and he didn't want to do another manual exam as I have had two yeast infections in the past four weeks. He decided that the best way to assess things was to do another ultrasound. Luckily for me, the Chief MFM was covering ultrasound that afternoon. As he was doing the ultrasound, he explained to me that it is very difficult to visualize my cervix and that the wand must be in a precise position to get a good picture. He was getting measurements between 1.7cm and 2cm...a far cry from 8mm the day before. He then applied pressure to see how the contractions affected my cervix and the measurement went down to 1.3cm. He explained that it could in fact have been 8mm yesterday but there was no way to know for sure. With the measurements that he got coupled with the fact that I completed the steroid shots, he decided that it was okay for me to go home. I need to stay within an hour from the medical center and I need to keep my husband close by just in case. He mentioned that in a couple of weeks we will talk about doing another round of steroids, so at least he is thinking that we will get that far. At this point it is so hard to know what is going to happen. With my cervix being so short, I could go into labor any minute. I could also be one of those people who's cervix is next to nothing but ends up needing to be induced in the end. There is no crystal ball that will give me the answers so I just need to take things day by day. As much as I don't want to go into labor now, I know that I am in an excellent spot if I do. Giovanni is perfectly healthy, is measuring over a week ahead, and has no other challenges working against him. I still have a feeling that they are going to have to dig him out as he seems pretty cozy in the same position week after week, so hopefully we will have to evict him at some point.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Did I Speak Too Soon?

These past two days have been absolutely crazy. It started yesterday morning when I was still having the same cramps as I was the night before. There were not relieved by increasing my fluids, resting, or walking. I tried timing the intervals of the cramps but it was impossible and that actually put my mind at ease...for a while. At about 2pm I kept getting this sharp shooting pain with tightening from the top of my uterus right down through my pelvic region. Again, they were difficult to time. I decided to take the anti-spasmodic they gave to help with contractions and then I decided to lay down and take a nap. By about 7:30 I was getting these pains similar to doing a situp (both the tightening and the cramp/muscle pull feeling) so I decided it was time to call the on-call doctor. The Resident covering L&D was the one that did rounds on the antepartum unit what I was in the hospital for preterm labor. I told her that I had an appointment in less than 24 hours but she still decided that it was best that I came in. When I got there I was still having those situp type pains, but they were not registering as contractions...thank God! I told her that these pains are nothing like I ever felt before, not even when I was in preterm labor. She decided to run some labs to make sure that nothing was going on with my gallbladder. She also measured my cervix to be on the safe side. The original measurement she got was 1.7cm but then got, on more than one occasion, 2.8cm. She also said my cervix was still closed. I was happy with that and they sent me home.

Fast forward to today...

I had my weekly appointment this afternoon at 2pm. The same MFM that I was seeing for my appointment did my ultrasound. Boy were things different. The smallest measurement on my cervix was a measly 8mm and the largest was 1.2cm...not good. She then made a circle with her thumb and her pointer finger and said that is what my cervix was like. I thought she was referring to the length but now I am freaking out thinking that she was referring to how much I was dilated. I then went back to the examine room and waited for her to come in. She immediately decided that it was in my best interest to get the steroid shots at this point. I was hesitant as you can only get the shots twice in a pregnancy and the maximum effectiveness only lasts just over a week. She did say though that if I do go into labor early that they will be able to give me a booster shot if need be. I then started talking about when I should switch my Lovenox to Heparin and she said that they may wait until the day before if I am going to be a scheduled delivery. So then I said "so you think there is a chance I could go until my planned date" and she responded "well, we should just focus on the fact that you got the steroid shot today and you should be happy about that." Umm, what?? I also brought up the fact that they need to figure out a scheduled date (roughly) based on all the recommendations that have been made by the specialists that the Chief MFM referred me to. The consensus is a scheduled c-section at 37 weeks but as most OB doctors do, everyone has their own opinion. I have decided that I am not going to bring this up again until I see the Chief himself as I am truly starting to get pissed of with everyone's opinion. Why the hell did I get referred to these specialists if their opinions don't matter? I even read the letter that my immunologist sent to the Chief so I know it exists, yet there are some who have no idea about it and some who don't seem to give a shit about it. I am seeing my urologist in two weeks so I will have him write a letter as well. Guess what people, this is my body and if I choose to listen to the majority of the physicians on this, that is the way it is going to be. Unless the Chief can guarantee me that all the bad things that my specialists are worried about happening won't happen, I will put up a fight. I did not make it this far for something bad to happen.

So the plan is for me to go back tomorrow afternoon for the second steroid shot. I have decided that I am going to have them explain things to me. Am I dilated? Is there a chance that I am going to deliver in the next week? What is the plan for the Lovenox if I do go into labor again? I understand that there are differing opinions among all the doctors in the practice, but it is frustrating as the be told several different things. I will get my answers tomorrow one way or another. I live an hour from the medical center (in no traffic), my cervix is under a centimeter, and I have no clue what the plan is. This is so frustrating!!!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

28 Weeks

Before I get into my usual format for my weekly posts, I just wanted to speak a bit about the significance of this day. Five weeks and two days ago I went into labor. It was the one of the scariest days of my life. I knew that if the baby was to be born, there would little to no chance of survival. My doctors prepped me for the worst. They told me that our goal was to get to 28 weeks but no one expected me to do it. Five weeks ago today, my husband and I sat down with the Neonatologist for what would be the worst talk in my life. She went over everything that they would have to do to try and save my sons life if he were to be born. Even with all of the procedures and interventions, he still only had a 30% chance of survival. I remember sitting there, trying to hold back my tears, as my husband and I signed our sons resuscitation orders. I can't even begin to explain the emotions that were going through me. It was right after that traumatic conversation that I decided that he wasn't going to be born anytime soon, and that not only would I make it to 28 weeks, I would exceed it. And I did. By nothing short of a miracle, I am still pregnant. And there is no end in sight. I have fought and will continue to fight everyday to get this little guy here as healthy as can be. The power of positive thinking!!

How Far Along: 28 Weeks

Size of Baby: This week the baby is measuring approximately 14.8 inches crown to heel and is weighing in around 2.2 pounds on average. A week and a half ago Giovanni weighed 2lbs2oz so we are exceeding averages!

Picture of Baby: This was taken last week at 27+2. You will notice that he has his face buried in the placenta (thing above his face) which is why we couldn't get any 3D/4D pictures of him. As long as he is nice and cozy I guess I can't complain.

Maternity Clothes: I tried putting on a pair of Nike shorts that I wore pre-pregnancy but there was no way in hell that I was going to be comfortable in them. I tried wearing them under my belly but they were just too tight.

Weight Gain: As of last Thursday I am officially up 20lbs. Not bad at all considering I don't have much longer to go. I know that I am going to deliver between 37 and 39 weeks, if the doctors can ever agree on a date, so if I gain a pound a week (which is average) I will have a total weight gain of 29-31lbs. A little higher than what I would have liked but not too bad I guess. 

Belly: See previous post.
Stretch Marks: None yet.

Sleep: Hit and a miss. If I take Benadryl I sleep like a baby. If I don't I constantly wake up.

Best Moment of the Week:  Making it to my shower.

Movement: Tons. Since he is head down and his head is plastered against my cervix, I get high kicks and low punches. Love them!!

Symptoms: No new ones. Just the usual leaking boobs, contractions, back pain, and sciatica.  

Food Cravings: Mango Fruit Bars. So much healthier than some of the alternatives.

Gender: It's a boy!! Giovanni Luca

What I Miss: Being able to do things on my own. My husband, who is usually home with me, has a very busy week and will be gone everyday for the entire day. I am only on the second day of this and I have already cried twice about it. I just want to get out and be around people. I hate being at the mercy of others.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Tomorrow. Everyday I look forward to tomorrow being another day that I am still pregnant.

Nursery: Furniture has been delivered. I ordered baskets for the changing table system today so I can't wait to get those. Since the chair and ottoman are going to take a long time to come in, I am going to take cardboard and cut out the size of those items so I can finalize the placement of the furniture. I need to do this in order to get going with the decorating. I also ordered custom roman shades for the windows instead of doing curtains and those will be here on Monday. I was going to share some pictures today but I really want to wait until it is finished or close to it.

Weekly Wisdom: None this week.

Milestones: 30 weeks.My doctor says 32 but I want to take baby steps.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Big Reveal

I will go into detail another time about my shower as I would really like to wait to get all of my pictures from that day together (we had professional ones taken by a wonderful friend), so I am going to keep this post about one thing, the big gender reveal. I will, however, share a picture of myself and my belly that my husband took the day of my shower.

As most of you know, I found out what I was having during one of my weekly scans when I was 15+3. My husband and I decided to keep things a secret until the shower. It was so difficult keeping this a secret for so long. I was so afraid of slipping but it all worked out in the end. For the reveal I decided to put gender specific balloons into a large wrapped box and have my mother and mother-in-law open it at the shower. I guess I didn't realize how much excitement there was about this. I figured that a few people would be excited, but I never expected the reveal to be the focus of the was great! Once we finished eating and dessert was being served, I brought the box over to our moms and they cut the ribbon. This is what they saw...

Yup, it's a boy!! His name is Giovanni Luca. We are very excited to finally be sharing this news with everyone. Now I can't wait to share pictures of the nursery (currently in progress). I love my little man so much!!!!