Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Praying For a Positive Outcome

This morning was my weekly cervix check and I was truly hoping for the best. I have been taking it easy on "modified bed rest" and I have been on the 17P for weeks. I never imagined it to go the way that it did today. Last week my cervix measured 2.5cm with I teeny-tiny bit of funneling which they thought could be due to some mucus that was sitting between the placenta and the cervix. This week my cervix is down to 1.7cm and there is much more funneling. The MFM that came in for my ultrasound said that gravity is no longer my friend and that I cannot be up except to go to the bathroom and to move from one resting place to another. After the ultrasound was complete they brought me back for my appointment. The NP came in and I immediately lost it. I am just so scared that I couldn't hold back the tears. The first thing she mentioned was the cervical pessary. This is something the Chief mentioned doing way back at my first appointment. The NP also said that she would like to switch me to nightly vaginal progesterone as she thinks it will work better than the 17P given the pessary will be placed. She called over to the medical center to speak to the Chief to see what type of pessary he wanted to use as there are a few different types. After figuring out which type to use they had to fit me for it and put it in place. While it was not comfortable it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. It is slightly annoying but at this point it is the least of my worries.

Shortly after the pessary was placed, the Chief came over from the medical center to speak with me. He said that he believes that pessary could help as my cervix is shortening and funneling due to the pressure from the baby. The pessary will help to support the weight. I also asked him what his thoughts were on 17P vs. the vaginal progesterone. He has always been an advocate for progesterone use in only those with a previous second trimester loss, and he knows that I respectfully disagree with his thinking. He told me that it really was up to me which to use, and because the NP was advocating for the vaginal suppositories, that is what I decided to go with. I asked him what the plan was and what I should expect. He said that the next 4-5 weeks are crucial as those who make it to 27 weeks or so, are more likely to go even further. He said that the uterus fully lifts out of the pelvis at this point possibly relieving some of the pressure and weight. He said that he wants to remain optimistic but cannot tell me how this is going to go. Just to be on the safe side once I hit 24 weeks they are going to administer steroid shots to help mature the baby's lungs just in case. I need to make it to 24 weeks though. He said that I have a considerable amount of scarring at the base of my cervix from the cone biopsy to remove the cancer. He is hoping that if I continue to funnel and shorten that it will not get passed the scarring, therefore the scar tissue will be what will hold the baby in. That is no guarantee though. The one glimmer of hope is that the base of the cervix is still closed and not dilated at all. If it starts to open they will immediately put me into the hospital. I am out of work and on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. My hope is that I can maintain things on modified bed rest and still make it to my shower...in a wheelchair. My shower is 5 weeks from Saturday so I am hoping that my body cooperates. I want to make it to AT LEAST 28 weeks with this baby.

I have so much running through my mind and so much to say but I am so emotionally overwhelmed right now. My husband has his cardiac surgery on Friday and has to go into the hospital tomorrow to have his heart mapped out for the surgery (under anesthesia for that). The one thought that keeps coming to mind is why is this happening to me. Not that I think it should happen to someone else, but after all the IUIs, all the IVFs, all the losses, and all of the complications, I can't get a f-ing break. This is so unfair...

16 comments:

  1. Praying for you and hubby!

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  2. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I've been praying for you and LC every day and will continue to do that!

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  3. I know each case is different, but I have faith that you will make it to 28 weeks and hopefully beyond!

    I was diagnosed with IC at 20 weeks (1.2 at 20 weeks!). I had a rescue cerclage and went on complete bed rest at home. (Will they not consider a rescue cerclage for you?) I made it to 28 weeks with twins.

    Sending good thoughts to your husband and you during this week.
    (((hugs)))

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  4. it is so unfair, krystyn. and as i said before, i am mad for you. you deserve a happy, "easy" pregnancy. and not to say that every woman doesn't, but like you said, with all the bs you've endured, it's about time you're cut some slack. i've been thinking about you so much. you have no idea how much you inspire me and keep me strong <3
    xoxox
    i won't stop praying
    maria

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  5. sending you all my thoughts for a good outcome. i'm so sorry. i know you must be so scared!

    mo

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  6. It is COMPLETELY unfair, and I am so sorry you are going through this wretched, wretched time. Keeping everything crossed for you, for only good outcomes from here on out. Hang in there. We've got your back.

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  7. Sending a million good thoughts for you, baby and your husband.

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  8. I feel you have come this far that your outcome will ultimately be great. I check for your posts religiously and am thinking of you and your family and little baby (boy??) that's my guess!!! ;) I know you must be beside yourself with worry and stress. Sending you positive thoughts/vibes.

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  9. I am praying in earnest for you!

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  10. I have been praying the rosary at night (to kind of end my day on a positive note)...I will for sure include you in tonights prayer! And "unfair" is an understatment...
    Katie

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  11. I am so sorry! I pray that bed rest does the trick. Just take it easy, and know you're in a lot of people's prayers <3

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  12. I have been following for a good while now and am sending good thoughts for a positive outcome.

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  13. K, I'm pulling for you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  14. I know things have been rough for you the last couple of days. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I'm praying for you and your little one.

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