Monday, January 2, 2012

Keeping Secrets

My husband and I have been doing a lot of talking about when we are going to tell our families and friends about this pregnancy. We took everything into consideration, especially our past and the heartache we faced dealing with five losses. Our final determination was based mostly on what happened during our second pregnancy...the first one that made it past the heartbeat stage.

Since our first loss was ectopic we never imagined in a million years that we would have another loss. When we were surprised with yet another spontaneous pregnancy in February of 2010, we were so excited and we couldn't wait to tell family. We decided that we were going to tell only immediate family and wait on extended family and friends. Little did I know that our secret wasn't safe and soon the entire world knew. Initially I wasn't happy about this and felt very betrayed by both of our families but in the end I thought that it would be okay. I never expected that we would lose the heartbeat shortly after 8 weeks. Now not only did we have to deal with our immediate family, but my poor husband had to step up and deliver the news to everyone. That was the most horrible experience in my life! The worst part was that I had family (mostly his) coming up to me months after the loss asking me how the baby was and even congratulating me. Someone even came up to me and gave me a hug at a funeral of one of my husband's relatives and told me how happy they were for me. I absolutely wanted to die!!!

So based on this past experience my husband and I have decided not to tell ANYONE (except for my blog readers and my IF friends) until we are well into our second trimester. We did think about telling my parents as I really don't have much family, but in the end we decided to wait until we make our general announcement. I am also unsure what I am going to do as far as work is concerned. My boss knows that I have been doing fertility treatments for two years and he knows that we just did one prior to the Holidays. He keeps asking me if we know anything yet but I just keep telling him that it will be a while before we know. It's not a lie at all as we have been here before and I need to get past the nine week mark to even allow this to start sinking in. I am going to hold him off as long as possible as once I tell him, my higher ups will know as well...people in my company don't keep secrets that well...that is the corporate world for you! I am considered high risk and will be followed by a MFM doc, I am assuming that I will have many more appointments than I would if I was seeing a regular OB. I am also at high risk for incompetent cervix as it has already been discussed that I will need to be evaluated, and will likely end up with a cerclage. From what I understand, it is a surgical procedure that requires a few days of bedrest afterwards and I guess it is usually done around week 13...which is 7 weeks from now.

There is so much to think about but I am not allowing myself to even start addressing these things. I am hopeful, but very guarded. My next ultrasound is Friday which will put me at 6 weeks 3 days and we are planning on seeing the heartbeat by then. I have always seen it by 6 weeks so hopefully this time won't be different...I really can't handle anymore worry!!


  1. You have made in my opinion the hardest and best decision in your situation. I know that many want to scream from the rooftops the minute they find out. Your time will come and I know I will be holding the bullhorn so you can yell with excitement. I am so truly happy for you and still praying for you everyday. big (((((HUGS))))) to you and your husband :-)

  2. I really enjoyed your post today. I have been thinking about this for a while now. I honestly think if/when pregnancy happens, we will wait a little while. It just seems safer and less stressful.

    Good luck to you!

  3. I hear you! We only have shared with my parents and they will be the only ones with the exception of my Blogging friends...

    Hoping your next u/s is a magical moment!