Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Not A Good Day

This morning I had to go in for my repeat Heparin Anti-XA level. Since I was a bit nervous that I was having some brown spotting since I had that broken capillary episode on Friday, I thought that I would have them repeat my beta for the 3rd time so I new that everything was okay. A little before 2pm my clinic called and told me that my 3rd beta was 279 and that my progesterone was still >40. I immediately started balling my eyes out. I realize that for only being 11dp4dt that 279 is good, however, my last beta on Monday was 165.2 so I only had a 69% increase (63.49 hour doubling time). My first beta was 78.9 so even between the first and second draw I had over a 100% increase. Since an appropriate rise is anything that doubles within 48-72 hours I realize that means I fall within these guidelines, but I have been here before and I don't see this going well. First of all my HCG doubling time slowed from 48 hours to 64 hours and at this point I feel that it should be much quicker. Most women, including myself in the past, double every 28-38 hours. My numbers have always tripled or better within a 48 hour period.

My clinic is insisting that everything is fine, but when I had an initial HCG for 7.8 which increased in 48 hours to 150, they also told me everything was fine but that ended in a chemical. I think between the spotting and the slow increase, I just feel that there is no way that this is going to work out. A part of me feels incredibly guilty for feeling like this as if there is one healthy one in there I don't want to give up on it. The other part of me is scared shitless right now as I don't think that I can handle a 6th loss. I have been searching on various forums and it seems that almost everyone that has a slow rising beta makes it to see the heartbeat but then loses the heartbeat shortly thereafter. To have to go through that for a 3rd time will kill me. Upon my request I am going in for a repeat HCG on Friday. Part of me doesn't want to do this as it could very well ruin Christmas for my husband and I but I don't think that I can go through the weekend pretending like everything is fine if it isn't. It is a lose, lose situation. Please pray for me.


  1. Oh Krystyn, that sounds so nerve wracking! (((Hugs))) I'll be holding you in my thoughts and praying that you get better news on Friday!

  2. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hope you get some reassuring news on Friday.

  3. Will be keeping you firmly in my thoughts. I am so sorry you're in this limbo. I know how painful RPL is and how much it scars you. Hoping with everything I have that this will turn out ok for you.


  4. wow it is a tricky situation, whatever u decide i hope it all works out and u have a merry christmas