Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Not A Good Day

This morning I had to go in for my repeat Heparin Anti-XA level. Since I was a bit nervous that I was having some brown spotting since I had that broken capillary episode on Friday, I thought that I would have them repeat my beta for the 3rd time so I new that everything was okay. A little before 2pm my clinic called and told me that my 3rd beta was 279 and that my progesterone was still >40. I immediately started balling my eyes out. I realize that for only being 11dp4dt that 279 is good, however, my last beta on Monday was 165.2 so I only had a 69% increase (63.49 hour doubling time). My first beta was 78.9 so even between the first and second draw I had over a 100% increase. Since an appropriate rise is anything that doubles within 48-72 hours I realize that means I fall within these guidelines, but I have been here before and I don't see this going well. First of all my HCG doubling time slowed from 48 hours to 64 hours and at this point I feel that it should be much quicker. Most women, including myself in the past, double every 28-38 hours. My numbers have always tripled or better within a 48 hour period.

My clinic is insisting that everything is fine, but when I had an initial HCG for 7.8 which increased in 48 hours to 150, they also told me everything was fine but that ended in a chemical. I think between the spotting and the slow increase, I just feel that there is no way that this is going to work out. A part of me feels incredibly guilty for feeling like this as if there is one healthy one in there I don't want to give up on it. The other part of me is scared shitless right now as I don't think that I can handle a 6th loss. I have been searching on various forums and it seems that almost everyone that has a slow rising beta makes it to see the heartbeat but then loses the heartbeat shortly thereafter. To have to go through that for a 3rd time will kill me. Upon my request I am going in for a repeat HCG on Friday. Part of me doesn't want to do this as it could very well ruin Christmas for my husband and I but I don't think that I can go through the weekend pretending like everything is fine if it isn't. It is a lose, lose situation. Please pray for me.

5 comments:

  1. Oh Krystyn, that sounds so nerve wracking! (((Hugs))) I'll be holding you in my thoughts and praying that you get better news on Friday!

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  2. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hope you get some reassuring news on Friday.

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  3. Will be keeping you firmly in my thoughts. I am so sorry you're in this limbo. I know how painful RPL is and how much it scars you. Hoping with everything I have that this will turn out ok for you.

    Mo

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  4. wow it is a tricky situation, whatever u decide i hope it all works out and u have a merry christmas

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