Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Miracle???

All this weekend I kept reading Dr. Braverman's emails over and over. I tried my best not to be overly negative about things but I was preparing for the worst. I knew it wasn't good as my husband even had a few moments of tears...and if he cries, there is something wrong. The brown spotting that I had completely ended Friday night and was replaced by a creamy type substance. I was happy the spotting stopped but confused by this new stuff. I started thinking about what a FET would entail and started obsessing about how long I would have to wait if I needed a D&C or Methotrexate. Last night when I realized that I only had twelve hours until my appointment today, I was both scared but relieved as this hellish wait would soon be over.

Before we left for the clinic this morning I felt the need to do a few last minute things. A special couple gave me a pair of fertility socks last year. They are actually the ones that they wore for their last IVF (cycle #5) that resulted in their beautiful daughter. I wore them in the past but since my cycles still resulted in losses, I gave up. So I, out of the blue, decided to put those on and I also grabbed my Babci's gold "K" necklace that I inherited after she passed. This necklace is something that she wore everyday of her life and looking at it brings me great comfort. On our drive to the clinic I just kept saying to my husband that we would get through this and, just like before, we will move forward and keep trying. Once I got to my clinic that positive attitude went to the wayside and I immediately became nauseous and had all I could do to hold back my tears. As soon as I was called back into the examine room all of my emotions poured out of me. I couldn't stop thinking how unfair this was, how I wanted THIS pregnancy to work, and how I was dreading the complications related to a loss. The nurse said that since I was only 4wks6days, even if this was a normal pregnancy, that it would be unlikely that we would see anything...that and given that my HCG was only 401 on Friday. She immediately starting measuring my uterus and right away I could tell that there wasn't anything. She measured my ovaries next and they looked good. She then focused on my uterus and my lining came into plain view, nice and fluffy and thick...with a little gestational sac in the middle!! There it was, this little tiny black circle, round and perfect. The nurse was VERY surprised to see this! Since my HCG was only 401 on Friday, obviously we had a bit of an increase as generally you can't see anything on ultrasound unless your HCG is 1000 or higher but sometimes the sac will show around 800-900. Dr. Braverman said that we needed a big jump in my HCG in order to show that "vanishing twin/triplet" was a possibility. The nurse told me that as soon as my numbers are up she would call me. I was much calmer now that I had seen a sac but very nervous about having an appropriate increase in my HCG. My husband and I decided to go to Target to get some clearance Christmas stuff, and while I was grabbing some cheap wrapping paper, my phone rang. As soon as I picked up I could hear the nurse laughing and I knew she wasn't calling me with bad news. My progesterone was still >40 and my HCG increased to 1466.1!!! That is a doubling time of 38 hours which is more than perfect!! The nurse offered to bring me back in on Wednesday but I asked if I could just come on Friday instead. Right now everything looks good and I need to stop analyzing my numbers. HCG levels slow down once they exceed 1600 so I don't even care about my numbers anymore, all I care about is what we see on the ultrasound. I immediately emailed Dr. Braverman and he responded back that he was "thrilled"!

We are no where near out of the woods yet and we still need to see a yolk, fetal pole, and a heartbeat. I am still nervous but I am holding on to hope now as this outcome today was very unexpected by me. After all the shit that has gone wrong over the past 2 1/2 years, how could this situation turn into anything good?? Well it did!!

Thanks to everyone who responded to my posts or sent me a private message over the past few days. It really means a lot to me and really helps me to keep the faith alive. Keep the prayers coming!!

15 comments:

  1. Oh, I am so glad to read this! Hope things continue to progress well!!!!

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  2. I'm glad you got to see the gestational sac and that your HCG jumped so high. I hope things keep going well. :-)

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  3. Amazing news! Glad things are progressing well. Good luck.

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  4. So glad to see this! Hope things continue to go well beyond your wildest imaginings!

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  5. You made me cry such happy tears, I am so excited for you and am still praying for all of you!!

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  6. I am so excited to read ANOTHER Christmas miracle. This is incredible!! I am SO happy for your good news, and I am excited to read the good news that's going to keep coming from you. CONGRATS!

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  7. Tis the season for miracles I tell you. :) So happy for you, and will be thinking of you that all goes well for your pregnancy. surviveandthrive.co.za

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  8. Wow! What a whirlwind of emotions! I can't even imagine what you've been through in the last couple of days! But I'm so glad you've apparently gotten a miracle growing here and hanging on! So, that is wonderful news! I am so very happy for you! Happy ICLW! And happy new year! Here's to a blessed, uneventful pregnancy in 2012!

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  9. congratulations hope 2012 brings u all the goodness u deserve

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  10. Krystyn!!! Congratulations to you and your husband. I'm catching up on my reading right now. And this certainly made me smile!!! :)
    You are in my prayers...both you and your beautiful miracle!
    Xoxoxo
    Maria

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  11. Keeping you in my thoughts...so glad that you had a good ultrasound!

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  12. WooHoo!! Great news! I hope everything continues to go well for you.
    We're quite close in our dates. I think I was just over 5 weeks on the 26th. :)

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  13. Oh, wow! That is fantastic! I wish you the very best! Praying for good news in the weeks and months to come.

    ICLW #60

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