Saturday, November 26, 2011

This Sucks!

Warning: This post is full of bitching and moaning. Consider yourself warned. 

I successfully started my injections Thursday night. I am very happy that this cycle is underway but in the eight injectable cycles that I have done, this is by far the worst with the injections. Approximately five weeks ago I was diagnosed with Pityriasis Rosea, and at its peak I was covered with hundreds of scaly lesions. The lesions have not only become more scaly but now they have hardened over. This is making it very hard for the needles to penetrate my skin. The needles for the Lupron and the Follistim are pretty small so they aren't really a problem, but the needles for the Lovenox and Menopur are a bit larger and it takes a while for the needle to go in. I actually get nauseous watching it as it pushes my skin in a good inch or so before the needle finally pops in, and when it does it hurts like a bitch! Also, since I started the Lovenox on CD3 this time as opposed to after ER, I am already covered in bruises. I actually had a little pity part for myself on Thursday night because of all this. Between the fact that I am doing this shit for the 8th time and the pain from the needles going through my hardened lesions, I absolutely lost it. The more I thought about how many times that I have done this, the chance that it will not work again, and the thought about it working and having to continue injections until the 8th month of pregnancy, fed my tearful fit for quite some time. After I finally stopped crying I became quite angry. I just kept thinking how unfair all of this is, not just to me, but to all of the women who have gone through this...and I am not talking about those who gotten pregnant with only the help of progesterone supplementation or by taking a pill or even those who have become pregnant on their first or second IVF. I am talking about those infertility veterans who have endured years of disappointment after injecting themselves cycle after cycle only to face more failure. Those who's entire life have been put on hold as there is no time for life outside of fertility treatments because fertility treatments is our lives. I am not saying that those who were successful with minimal help have it easy or haven't felt pain or sadness (I know that they have), but I think it is completely different, it is almost like an exclusive club that you don't really want a membership to. Without this "membership" you really don't understand all that this club has to offer.

Through my blog I have connected with many women who have VIP memberships to this "veterans" club. Women who have been going through fertility treatments non-stop for four or five years (or more), women who have had five, six, and even seven losses, and women who have done seven or eight IVFs and have never once seen a positive test. Although being a member of this club absolutely stinks, it is through all of the other "members" that I am able to continue on. As hard as this journey is, knowing that there are others out there who completely understand how I feel and are rooting me on does make it a tad easier.

3 comments:

  1. Oh, you know I am pulling for you, my friend! You are constantly on my mind...hoping for the best possible outcome for you this time around. You will get through it...just like you always do. When you feel like you can't do one more shot...do it for the vets! We <3 you! :) xoxo

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  2. So sorry to hear that this cycle of injections is so difficult! There are lots of us out here pulling for you and sending many prayers your way that this cycle results in a beautiful, healthy baby for you!

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  3. The injections sound awful! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this crap. I'll continue to hope and pray that things get easier and that the tweaks you've made this cycle are your ticket to the next leg of your journey.

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