Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Even More Good News!

Before I get into today's monitoring appointment, I will start with a recap from yesterday. Before going to my clinic for my Neupogen wash, my husband and I met with my oncologist to get the results of my cancer screening (breast and ovarian). As I was sitting in the waiting room I had everything I could do not to get sick. I was pretty confident that everything was okay but at that point I couldn't help but wonder what if it's not. Finally after waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the nurse came and got me and brought me back into a small conference room. Within 5 minutes my doctor appeared in the doorway and said "I got good news." At that point I could feel my eyes welling up as I was just so relieved. I had absolutely no BRAC1 or BRAC2 mutations and my risk for breast and ovarian cancer is the same as anybody else. She started going over my family history of cancer again and said that there was still some concern regarding my mom's diagnosis of endometrial cancer at the age of 31 and the fact that her uncles had colon cancer in their 50's. She would like me screened for something called Lynch Syndrome which is associated with early onset endometrial and colon cancer. She is recommending that, in addition to more testing, that I have regular colonoscopies to keep an eye on things. Since my mom is my only living primary relative with one of these cancers, the testing would not be covered by my insurance so she is recommending that my mom get tested and if she is positive for the gene, my testing will be covered. After the Holidays I plan on talking to mom to see if she would be willing to get tested for me.

After this appointment I went and had my first Neupogen uterine wash. All I can say is that it hurt like a MoFo!! My vaginal wall is so irritated from the Viagra that it is pretty much raw and having the speculum shoved in me so that the catheter could be placed sucked royal ass. The infusion itself wasn't too bad but the cramping was very similar to my HSG. I had to lay there for about 20 minutes so it didn't leak out right away and so that the nurses could watch me to make sure I didn't have any type of reaction. After this experience I am not looking forward to doing this again in the morning!

So now onto my appointment from today... I was a bit nervous about how things were going to look today. I am so used to getting bad news that I pretty much just brace myself for it. As soon as the nurse started the ultrasound I could tell that my lining was different than it has ever been. The smallest reading we got on it was a 7.7 which is up from a 6 on Monday. At time of trigger I have never been over a 7.2 so this is a new record for me. My follicles also look great! I still have "a lot" (we stopped counting at 15) and they are all between 11.5 and 14.5mm. My E2 went from 516 to 1235 and my LH nicely increased from 1.07 to 1.59. My next monitoring appointment is Friday morning so I will know what the plan is by then. Based on my previous cycles, my guess is that I will be triggering Saturday evening with ER on Monday but worst case scenario is that I will trigger Monday with ER on Wednesday. I hope that I keep getting good news like this!!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Finally Some Good News!

This morning I went in for my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I wasn't all that excited as I historically receive bad news on this day such as "you are still at baseline", "you are not responding", or "your lining doesn't look good." Well today that did not happen. As of right now it looks like I have about 10 follicles in each ovary measuring between 10 and 11mm. We took several measurements of my lining and the thinnest reading was a 6.0 and the thickest was a 9.1 and it is already trilaminar. Even a 6 at this point is a record for me as I am usually that at time of trigger. The only concern at this point is my E2 which is already at 516 after only 4 days of stims. Dr. Braverman said that my clinic needs to monitor me very closely for hyperstimulation. He said that since my lead follicle is only at 11 that I can continue with 300 of Follistim and 300 of Menopur but we will need to reevaluate that after my monitoring on Wednesday. Tomorrow (on my lunch) I am going in for the first of two uterine washes using Neupogen. It is a relatively quick procedure and I should be in and out within 30 minutes. I forgot to mention that I had a bit of excitement earlier as I took a quick trip to the hospital this evening. When I had my appointment at my clinic earlier I had mentioned that the gland on the right side of my neck was quite swollen and painful. My RE came in to look at it and decided that I needed to have an ultrasound done of my carotid artery to rule out a blood clot. Obviously I did not have a blood clot and will be starting on an antibiotic tomorrow. Better safe than sorry I guess.

In addition to my uterine wash tomorrow, I have my follow up appointment with New York Oncology Hematology. The results of my cancer screening are in and they asked to meet with both my husband and I. I am sure that is just standard procedure. I feel pretty confident that everything is going to be fine and that I can just continue on with my routine screenings as I have been. Wish me luck!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

This Sucks!

Warning: This post is full of bitching and moaning. Consider yourself warned. 

I successfully started my injections Thursday night. I am very happy that this cycle is underway but in the eight injectable cycles that I have done, this is by far the worst with the injections. Approximately five weeks ago I was diagnosed with Pityriasis Rosea, and at its peak I was covered with hundreds of scaly lesions. The lesions have not only become more scaly but now they have hardened over. This is making it very hard for the needles to penetrate my skin. The needles for the Lupron and the Follistim are pretty small so they aren't really a problem, but the needles for the Lovenox and Menopur are a bit larger and it takes a while for the needle to go in. I actually get nauseous watching it as it pushes my skin in a good inch or so before the needle finally pops in, and when it does it hurts like a bitch! Also, since I started the Lovenox on CD3 this time as opposed to after ER, I am already covered in bruises. I actually had a little pity part for myself on Thursday night because of all this. Between the fact that I am doing this shit for the 8th time and the pain from the needles going through my hardened lesions, I absolutely lost it. The more I thought about how many times that I have done this, the chance that it will not work again, and the thought about it working and having to continue injections until the 8th month of pregnancy, fed my tearful fit for quite some time. After I finally stopped crying I became quite angry. I just kept thinking how unfair all of this is, not just to me, but to all of the women who have gone through this...and I am not talking about those who gotten pregnant with only the help of progesterone supplementation or by taking a pill or even those who have become pregnant on their first or second IVF. I am talking about those infertility veterans who have endured years of disappointment after injecting themselves cycle after cycle only to face more failure. Those who's entire life have been put on hold as there is no time for life outside of fertility treatments because fertility treatments is our lives. I am not saying that those who were successful with minimal help have it easy or haven't felt pain or sadness (I know that they have), but I think it is completely different, it is almost like an exclusive club that you don't really want a membership to. Without this "membership" you really don't understand all that this club has to offer.

Through my blog I have connected with many women who have VIP memberships to this "veterans" club. Women who have been going through fertility treatments non-stop for four or five years (or more), women who have had five, six, and even seven losses, and women who have done seven or eight IVFs and have never once seen a positive test. Although being a member of this club absolutely stinks, it is through all of the other "members" that I am able to continue on. As hard as this journey is, knowing that there are others out there who completely understand how I feel and are rooting me on does make it a tad easier.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

First of all I just want to wish all of my readers a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope all of you have a wonderful day filled with family, friends, and a ton of good food. Since my Endocrinologist started me on the Glucophage and told me that I needed to overhaul my diet, I haven't had any carbs (with the exception of tonight) so I am looking very forward to a small helping each of mashed potatoes and stuffing. My goal is to stuff myself with vegetables so I am not tempted to have dessert. Normally I would give in but my 5th wedding anniversary is on Friday and I know that I am going to give in a bit on that day too (since we are going out for a very nice dinner) so I really need to be careful and make smart decisions as I don't want to pay for it later on with whacked out blood sugars!

Anyway...on a different note, I got the green light to start stims tonight. Dr. Braverman had me take 20 units of Lupron starting on CD3 for three days because my FSH and LH were so low. I went in this morning to recheck everything and very happily I am still at baseline and my FSH went from 2.2 to 5.3 and my LH went from 0.67 to 4.73 so now my levels are absolutely perfect and I should stim well. Next week is going to be a bit hectic as I have to go to my clinic everyday. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have to go in for blood work and ultrasounds and on Tuesday and Thursday I need to have my uterine washes using the Neupogen...that should be a blast! Also, on Tuesday I have an appointment with the oncologist to go over the results of the cancer screening. They called earlier this week to let me know that the results were back and they wanted to setup a time to go over them. Since this was a holiday week their next available appointment wasn't until Tuesday. I am hoping for good news as I don't think I could handle yet another thing going wrong...I have had enough of that over the past 3 weeks, I am done!

Monday, November 21, 2011

UGH!!!

 
I went in for baselines this morning and everything looked good. I have a lot of antral follicles, my lining was nice and thin, and there was no indication of cysts. After my CD3 blood results were posted to my patient portal I emailed them to Dr. Braverman for his review. For the third month in a row my FSH and LH are low, 2.2 and 0.67 respectively. They are not as low as the previous cycle but still quite low. A few minutes after emailing Dr. Braverman I received a response from him telling me that my FSH and LH were too low to start stims tonight. He told me to that I need to take 10 units of Lupron twice a day for the next three days and then on Thursday I can drop the Lupron down to 5 units and start stims. Not what I wanted to hear!!! Even though I am so disappointed by this news, I want to do the right thing and what is best for this cycle. I am a tad nervous though about this Lupron thing as I have never done this before. I am worried about being suppressed too much and I am worried about my body starting without stims. I am still going in on Wednesday and Friday for monitoring so at least if things start on their own we will catch it in time and not waste this cycle...I hope.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

IVF #5...Here We Go!

Unexpectedly, AF arrived two days early. I called my clinic today and they are having me come in for baselines tomorrow morning and I will be starting stims tomorrow night. For this cycle, we are doing a Lupron Flare Protocol. Here is a quick overview of what the next couple of weeks are going to look like:
  • Monday CD3-I go in for monitoring tomorrow morning. I am starting my 30mg of Lovenox (blood thinner) as well tomorrow morning and that injection is to be given in the morning now. Along with that I will take 500mg Metformin, 600iu Vitamin E, 25mg DHEA, 3 Maxi-Greens Capsules, and 50mg Viagra Suppository. At night I will take 5 units of Lupron, 300iu Follisitm, 300iu Menopur, 1000mg Metformin, 50mg Viagra Suppository, 3mg Melatonin, 25mg DHEA, 3 Maxi-Greens Capsules, 0.5mg Dexamethasone and a baby aspirin.
  • Friday CD7-Ultrasound and blood work to check response to stims. 
  • Saturday CD8-Uterine wash using 300mcg Neupogen
  • Monday CD10-Ultrasound and blood work, 2nd uterine wash with 300mcg Neupogen, and Heparin Anti-XA level to be drawn to see if my Lovenox dose is sufficient. 
  • Wednesday CD12-Ultrasound and blood work
  • Friday CD14-Ultrasound and blood work
After looking at the stim length of all of my previous IVFs, I am guessing that I will be triggering on Thursday or Friday (week after Thanksgiving) which would put my ER on Saturday the 3rd or Monday the 5th. Since we are shooting for a 5 day transfer my ET will either be on Thursday the 8th or Saturday 10th. It has already been decided that I will be transferring 4. Given my history, Dr. Braverman said that 4 should be our goal. For IVF #3 we transferred 8 Day 3 embryos (only after previous cycle CGH results indicated 2 normal out of 13) and that ended in a BFN, and so did our last cycle and we transferred 4 then.

In a sick sort of way I am looking forward to getting back into my injection routine. I will be bitching about the bruising and the welts within a few days, but in reality, I am happy to do it. It is the only little bit of control that I have left in this baby-making journey.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A Sad Day

With every tear that falls, there is a lost heart that calls.
It calls to say I'm here, don't despair, I will come to you
when the time is right, when you least expect me and through
the quiet night open your heart to me, accept me, I will be there
in the end.
Your wait may be long, you may get frustrated by the whole
ordeal. In the end I will be real. While others around you are
succeeding your heart goes on bleeding.
I would thank you for being patient, I would thank you for
being the kind of person who shows persistence. If it were not
for this, I may never get the chance to have an existence.
In the chaos of your day, the calm of your night, let your heart
soar and take flight.
For so many tears, for so many years. You have been trying,
thinking of giving up but never doing it. In the end you just keep
on going in the hopes that I will come to you, the one who deserves
me, the one who can love me as no other can. You will be that
mother that you always wanted to be. Just keep waiting for me.

Today marks two years since our first loss. Never in a million years would I have expected to be sitting here tonight writing this post, still fighting my way through this nightmare. I have never been the type of person that obsesses over a particular date, especially one that marks a day of loss or even a potential due date from a loss. But for some reason this date hit hard for me. I am, of course, sad over the loss, but my pain is much bigger than that. My pain today comes from everything that has happened between November 16, 2009 and today, present day. I am sad over all the lost time, the wasted physical and emotional pain that I have gone through for nothing, and the fact that my entire life has stopped for well over two years. I have a fear that I will be sitting here, writing a similar post to this, two more years from now, still childless. I am scared to think about the possibility of a 6th, 7th, or even 8th loss. When does this nightmare end? Will it ever end?

I am, however, very thankful for my husband today. He has stood by my side through all of this. He as given me the will to keep on going and the strength to fight even when I wanted to give up. He is my entire world and I love him more than life itself. He is my heart, my soul mate. He is everything to me.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Oh Happy Day!

As you know, my follow up with Dr. Braverman was today...and I couldn't be happier. Although my labs look screwy individually, as a whole, they are not bad at all. He confirmed that my husband and I have 3 partial matches; 1 DQ Alpha, 1 HLA-A, and 1 HLA-B. He said anything under 5 matches is no big deal. Also, after looking everything over carefully, he said that my immune system seems to be doing all of the right things. Once I am pregnant again he wants to repeat these tests just to be sure that it stays this way. So here is the plan: I am currently still waiting for the bleeding to stop from my lap. It is still bright red but it seems to have slowed down a teeny-tiny bit. Once the bleeding comes to a stop, I will stop my BCP and wait for AF. I will go in on CD3 for baselines and that is when the games will begin.
  1. We are doing a Flare protocol. I will be using 5 units Lupron, 300iu of Follistim and 300iu of Menopur. Originally he wasn't going to use Menopur but since historically my LH is below 2 (more like 0.38) he said that I need a product with LH in it.
  2. No more Prednisone or IvIg!! I am SO happy about this. If for some reason my levels increase with pregnancy once my immune panel is rechecked, then I may need IvIg but as of right now, I don't.
  3. Lovenox-I am still starting on 30mg but he said that a week after I start it, my clinic needs to do a Heparin Anti-XA level four hours after my dose to see if the dose is sufficient as some people need much high doses. I will also be starting the Lovenox on CD3 instead of after ET as he said my elevated APA's are pretty significant and need treatment early. The Lovenox is stopped 48hrs prior to ER and then restarted two days after ET. I am also to start baby aspirin too but that is nothing new. 
  4. Neupogen-Yup, my insurance covered it!! After going back and forth with this, he has decided to hold off on the Sub Q injections and instead do uterine washes using it. The first uterine wash will be on CD7 or 8 and then the second 48 hours later. He said a 300mcg vial is diluted with 1cc saline and slowly injected like an IUI is done.
  5. Trigger Shot-Instead of Noveral he wants me to use two Ovidrel injections, not one. He just isn't a huge fan of urinary based products. 
  6. Progesterone Supplements-No more Crinone!! Instead he wants me to increase my PIO to 2cc's every night and then have a progesterone level one week after ER. 
  7. Other Supplements-He wants me on Maxi-Greens (which I already ordered), 600iu of Vitamin E, 3mg Melatonin nightly (start both of these now), and Viagra Suppositories 50mg twice a day starting once menses stops. 
  8. Metformin-I am currently on 2000mg a day but I am having a hard time handling such a large dose in the morning so he said that I could drop down to 500mg in the morning and 1000mg at night if need be. 
  9. TSH Levels-Even though I do not have a documented thyroid problem, my thyroid gets a bit overactive after ET and with pregnancy. My TSH needs to be drawn weekly to see where it is at. He said that if it is consistently over 2 or even close to 2.5 that I need to start on 25mcg of Synthroid a day. If it goes up to 3 or so (like it did last time) he said 50mcg should be used.
  10. Transfer-I should aim for a Day 5 transfer if I have enough embryos and not transfer any more than 4. 
  11. Additional Testing-In addition to the progesterone level seven days after ER and the Heparin Anti-XA level, he wants the entire immune panel repeated once I get a positive beta and then again periodically. These tests are covered by my insurance but the bloods cost about $120 to ship but I guess that I can't complain. Also the T-regs (blood test) need to be repeated with a positive test and every few weeks after that. 
So there you have it. That was my appointment in a nut shell. His office is ordering my Viagra and having it shipped to me and the only thing that I need to do is have my clinic send him some images of my uterine lining mid cycle. Thank god my clinic digitally stores everything as I can have them email those images right over. Now all I can do is wait...for this stupid bleeding to stop!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Quick Update

I am still recovering from the lap/hysteroscopy. I have been pretty sore over the past few days and I can't wait until it starts to feel better. Only two out of the three incisions hurt, but only when I bend forward or wear pants...something that I really can't avoid. For some reason the incision in my belly button is really pinchy and itchy which I hope means that it is healing. Having my pants rub on it isn't too comfortable, but everyday it is getting a little bit better. The part that I am most aggravated about is the bleeding. I figured that the bleeding would start slowing down by now but it hasn't. I am going through 6 or so pads a day which is a total pain in the ass. Since the bleeding is still continuing on, I am going to stay on the pill until it stops. I just finished my one pack on Saturday so I am on to another. I have absolutely no intention of staying on it the whole month, and actually, I am hoping that the bleeding will stop by the weekend so I can stop them and get AF by next week.

Tomorrow is my consult with Dr. Braverman. Today I went ahead and had Rosalind Franklin email me the pages of results that they had for both me and my husband. I am happy to report that my husband and I only have 3 partial HLA matches so that is wonderful news. The rest...not so much. My CD3 and CD4 cells are quite high which is commonly seen in immunology patients with recurrent miscarriage (well thank you Captain Obvious!) My NK (natural killer) cells actually increased when IvIg was added to my blood which is a bit odd, but without it, I am pretty much in the normal range. My MCH and MCV are elevated along with my monocytes, eosinophils and basophils. I personally am not too concerned about these. I looked back at my previous labs and all of these have consistently been elevated. I don't know much about MCH and MCV but I do know that they are related to the size of your red blood cells and apparently mine are a bit large. Not sure what it means though. My cytokine ratio is a bit elevated which I don't think is a big deal now, but typically it goes up with pregnancy and that is an issue. The only one that I am REALLY confused about is the Leukocyte Antibody Detection (LAD) test. Some of my numbers are elevated which I think is a good thing, but others are very low. Also, something called the LAD flowcytometry is negative, and from everything that I have read, it should be positive. Again, I do not know much about these tests. I did quickly shoot Dr. Braverman an email tonight (he always gets right back to me) and he said that it is difficult to draw a conclusion based on the test that indicates that my NK cells increase with IvIg when they should actually decrease. He said that the only way to know how accurate this is, is to retest them with IvIg after it is infused. It is scary to think that IvIg could actually have hurt me more than helped me! I do have a feeling though that since Neupogen is most likely in my future, that I will not be needing IvIg transfusions anymore...and that makes me VERY happy.

I will update tomorrow after my appointment.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Available Fertility Meds

I currently have some fertility meds that I will not be using anymore and I would hate to see them go to waste. I would love to be able to just give them away, however at this time, I just can't do that. I have Ganirelix that expires in 2013 and Menopur that expires 4/12. If anyone is interested please email me privately at bringonthebabies@gmail.com. Thanks.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Surgery Update

Yesterday I had my lap/hysteroscopy. All I can say is that I am glad it is over. I thought it was going to be a fairly quick procedure and that I would be home by early afternoon...not so much. We got to the hospital at 8am and didn't get home until about 5:30. The procedure itself took about 90 minutes but the prep and recovery took forever. I don't remember much except waking up with this awful pain on my left side. The surgeon was planning on making one, maybe two incisions but by the pain I could tell that things didn't go as planned. Once I was awake enough to make sense I asked the nurse how many incisions I had and she told me three. Just by that info I knew that he had found something. About an hour or so later I was moved back into my room where my husband was waiting for me. The surgeon came in a little bit later and told me that he had found quite a few adhesions. There were a bunch in my left tube but he also found one that was attaching my bowel to my uterus or tube (I don't remember which as I was still under the influence) and that was probably the source of the left sided pain that I get after ET and even during early pregnancy. He also said that he could not get any dye to pass through my left tube but he felt that wasn't anything to be concerned about. He said that a HSG (which I had in August) was a better test for that so he wasn't concerned at all. We are doing IVF anyway so if it really was blocked it doesn't matter. If we go back to IUI or timed intercourse I will probably ask to have another HSG just to be sure. I am still a bit sore but not nearly as bad as I had expected. My throat is killing me though. I have had many surgeries that required general anesthesia but my throat never hurt like this. I wonder what the hell the anesthesiologist was aiming for?!?! I am resting for the weekend and then back to work on Monday. I have my follow up with the surgeon on Friday so I will get all of the details then. By that time I will have had my follow up with Dr. Braverman too so I should be able to start stims for IVF #5 the following week.

Ok, time for a Percocet.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Next Few Days

I am anxiously awaiting the answer from my insurance company about the Neupogen. Last week the decision went into what is called a Level 1 Appeal which means that a group of "officials" sit around and discuss my case and decide if I am worthy of this medication...I just hope they are not idiots. I have a gut feeling that it isn't going to get covered which means that I will be paying out of pocket for it. I will need about 30 vials of this medication, and at almost $300 a vial the total cost will be somewhere around $9000. I am slowly preparing for this financial hit. I have started looking into Canadian and Indian pharmacies to see if I can get it cheaper. Apparently there is a generic Neupogen in Canada that is a little cheaper than the brand, but I am not sure if my doc is going to feel safe about ordering meds from Canada. According to my insurance company we will have a decision tomorrow but I am not holding my breath.

Thursday is my lap/hysteroscopy so I will probably be two sheets to the wind until Saturday as I completely plan on indulging on my Percocet. I am hoping that they aren't going to find anything but I feel better knowing that if they do it will be taken care of right then and there and I won't need to schedule another surgery. After I get through Thursday my next big barrier is my follow-up with Dr. Braverman. I am hoping that he will tell me what meds I will need and that he will give me the green light to start. I am a tiny bit worried that he might tell me that I need to give the meds a month or two to work before doing my next IVF. I cannot stress about that right now as I need to take it one day at a time.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Busy Few Days

Sorry I haven't updated in a while but these past few days have been absolutely crazy. Wednesday I went for my pre-op at the hospital and then I met with the surgeon. The surgeon said that as long as I don't have any signs of endometriosis that I probably will only end up needing two incisions. If they do find endo, it is likely that I will have four. I am not the least bit concerned with the incisions considering I have a 10 inch scar running down my sternum from previous surgery. I am more worried about the pain from the gas that they fill you with. I was told to expect some sharp "heart attack" type pains in my shoulder and neck. It was suggested that I pick up some peppermint tea to help with this. They also said that the best thing that you can do for this is to walk around. The other thing that is freaking me out a bit is the thought of ending up with major pelvic spasms again. After my bladder surgery this happened and it caused my bladder to shut down leading me to be catheterized for almost seven weeks. I also had pretty intense spasms after my uterine septum resection in April and they ended up keeping me for 8 hours to get them under control. I just want this surgery to be simple and without any complications. On Thursday I went for my cancer screening/counseling at New York Oncology Hematology. I met with two oncologists for about an hour. We went over my personal cancer history and also that of my family. They urged me to have the screening done so I did. They said that it will take about two to three weeks for the results to come back at which time they will call me and schedule a follow up appointment. I am not sure what to expect but I am hoping that everything comes back negative.

Friday was my husband's appointment with the cardiac surgeon. As expected he recommended surgery. Originally surgery was only needed on the left atrium but now the doctor feels that it is going to be a bit more extensive given this development of the ventricular tachycardia. The surgeon said that the procedure would take four to five hours and would require him to stay a few days in the hospital. I was a bit surprised to hear this but apparently even someone who has a quadruple bypass now only stays in the hospital for 3-4 days. We decided not to make any snap decisions while at the appointment so we asked that surgeon if we could go home and discuss this over the weekend. He had no problem with this and said that it was not emergent at all and we could take all of the time we need to decide. I personally want him to do it as I don't want to see him end up with a problem down the road that can't be fixed. He is nervous about doing it but is enticed by the thought of coming off all of his cardiac medications. The medications make him very tired and he just doesn't feel great on them especially considering they just doubled his dose. I am hoping that we will come to some sort of decision within the next few days, but we just need to be sure that we are making the right decision.    

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Getting By

Thank you to everyone that commented or sent me a private email after my last post...it really means a lot. I think that once I get through these next 2 1/2 weeks that things will be better. I am quite anxious about my follow up with Braverman which is in less than two weeks. I am so afraid that he is going to tell me that what is wrong with me can't be fixed. I am part of an online reproductive immunology support group and one of the girls in that group had her follow-up with Braverman today and was told that her and her husband had too many genetic similarities and that is what contributed to her having a handful of losses. The only thing that can be done for this is tons of immune medication and lots of hope. After everything that my husband and I have been through I can't help but to think the worst. What if we find out that having a child is impossible??

Tomorrow I have my pre-op for my lap/hysteroscopy in the afternoon and my surgery is next Thursday. Then on Thursday I have my cancer screening at NYOH and Friday is my husband's surgical consult. I am also waiting to hear back from my Endocrinologist as he wanted to run some tests on my pituitary gland and thyroid but my appointment isn't until the 18th and I will be done with my BCPs 3 days prior...which means that I will be able to start my next IVF cycle. The twist to all of this is that he said that the testing needed to be done when I am not on any injectables or Prednisone. I called his office yesterday to ask if I could either move my appointment up or have them order the tests PRIOR to my appointment but they have yet to call me back...typical. I want to make sure everything is taken care of prior to starting IVF #5 but I don't want to wait another entire month.

**deep breaths, deep breaths**