Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Trigger Time. And No, I Am Not Referring To Roy Rogers' Horse.
Today I went for yet another monitoring appointment and I was very happy to learn that I am done with all of these stupid stim meds. All of my follicles were between 18mm and 22mm so I was told to trigger tonight. My ER is scheduled for Thursday at 9am. I am not sure when my ET will be and I will make that decision on Friday when they call me with my fertilization report. If we don't have many embryos I will probably do a Day 2 transfer on Saturday. If we have a sufficient amount I would like to push the transfer off until Monday which would be Day 4. What I like about pushing it off until Monday is that it is something different. I have done a Day 2, a Day 3, and a Day 5 transfer in the past and we all know how those ended. Actually, everything this cycle has been different. I was on different meds, the cycle from hell turned into an awesome cycle, I have never triggered on a Tuesday before, I have never had a ER on a Thursday before...everything is new for me and I like it. By having everything so different, I have been able to let go of everything from my past cycles. I do, however, feel a tiny bit of anxiety trying to creep in once in a while but I am trying to keep it under control.
Up until last night I have been doing great with this cycle. No bloating, pressure or pain, and I also haven't been all that emotional. Last night I started to feel quite full in my pelvic region and when I woke up this morning it felt like someone had taken a 2x4 and whacked me across the lower back. After seeing the size of my follicles and how many there were, I wasn't surprised in the least bit that I was having this pain. I was actually quite relieved that it wasn't any worse. My emotions kicked in a little today as well, but again, not bad considering. When the nurse manager was done doing my ultrasound and left the room to get all of my instructions, I was just sitting alone in that room and my mind started to wander. I suddenly realized that I was in the room where we found out that the heart had stopped in my 2nd pregnancy, a time when I was oblivious to the realities of miscarriage and to how many I would actually go on to have. I then started thinking about this cycle and how something could be wrong because we were unable to get a good look at my lining today (even though she was not at all concerned by this.) It was like I needed something to be worried about. By the time she walked back into the room I was crying. I told her that I wasn't sure if we were doing the right thing by moving forward and that I was having second thoughts. She asked me why and I told her that I was nervous about my lining. She immediately said that she would do another ultrasound to show me that everything was fine but I didn't want to give in to my old habits. If she says that everything is fine, I need to trust her! She didn't spend a lot of time on my lining because it "looked" great. It looked nice and fluffy. She told me that if I was that concerned that I could freeze everything but said that I should just move forward with this cycle and go through with the ET as everything about this cycle is going so well. I have a good number of follicles and my lining is the thickest it has ever been. Again, I think that I was just looking for something negative so I could have something to dwell on and feel "normal" as every cycle has had something about it that wasn't right, and the fact that this one has turned out to be so good makes me a bit uneasy as I don't know how to feel or what to expect.
I feel much better about things now and I am ready for Thursday to hurry up and get here. I keep reminding myself that I have no indication that anything is "wrong" or "off" and that everything actually looks pretty darn good. Even if something wasn't right, it is what it is and there is nothing that I can do to change it.