Friday, September 30, 2011

Putting the "Hell" Back Into the Cycle From Hell

Today I received my fertilization report and needless to say, it wasn't what I expected. I always have a couple of eggs that are either immature or over-mature, and then from the remaining about 90%+ fertilize with the help of ICSI. I received the call just after 10:30 and I could tell in the nurses voice that she wasn't about to deliver good news. Out of the 10 retrieved yesterday, 6 were no good...to the point where they couldn't even attempt to fertilize them. Of the remaining 4, all of them fertilized. The nurse told me the my RE does not want me to wait until Monday for transfer, and since they are not open on Sundays, we are doing a Day 2 transfer tomorrow. Knowing that I had chromosomally perfect embryos, as indicated by CGH, arrest between Days 3 and 4 on my second IVF cycle, my RE would rather get them in me. The whole theory that "good looking embryos that survive to Day 5 are strong competent embryos and those that arrest are chromosomally abnormal" is a crock of shit. If you remember correctly my three best looking embryos on Day 5, one of which was a hatching blast, were severely abnormal having multiple trisomies and monosomies. So for those of you out there that get told that you need to hold out to Day 5 by your doctors so you can "choose the best embryos," your docs are full of shit or just plain stupid. The only thing they care about is reducing the chance of multiples so they don't look bad. It's scary to think how many "good" embryos didn't make it to Day 5 because the doc wanted to wait. Perfectly good embryos do arrest. Just some food for thought!

I am going in tomorrow morning at 9:30 for a massage (instead of acupuncture), having my transfer at 11, and then following the transfer with acupuncture. Since I have invested a ton of money in acupuncture and have nothing to show for it, I have decided to switch it up a bit. I was told that doing acupuncture post-transfer is best and that I could do a massage prior to relax me, so that is what I am doing. Normally I would be upset and freaked out that at this point, but I am seriously okay. I am at peace. I have 4 great embryos that we are transferring tomorrow and that is that. It is what it is and I need to be grateful for what I do have. I have encountered a few of the typical annoying comments on the forums I go on such as "it only takes one" and they are your typical IVF patient that got pregnant off of their first IVF so they are very disillusioned that it doesn't work that way for everyone. Let's see, I transferred 4 for my first IVF, 1 CGH perfect for my second IVF, and 8 on my third so obviously it doesn't take just one for me as I have already transferred 13! I know that they mean well but there seriously needs to be a separate club for those that this doesn't happen for because man those comments are annoying!

So I am going into this tomorrow at peace with whatever happens.I don't know if IVF will ever work for me, and sometimes I feel like it won't, but I am not ready to give up.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sending good thoughts and positive vibes your way.

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  2. Amen on the seperate forum! Sorry to be cyber stalking you, but I just happened onto your blog!

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