Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Top 10 Things That Annoy Me About Naive Newbie TTCers

Yes, the hormones are kicking in and I am in full bitch mode. I need something to rant about. If you are a newbie in the TTC world, you probably don't want to read this because I am complaining about you. There, I warned you.

1. Timing
I can't stand those people who think that getting pregnant should happen within the first few months of trying, and if it doesn't, they whine. Get real people! No complaining allowed. Do you really think that I want to hear how unfair it is that you have been "trying" for a few months and just because the stork didn't deliver your package using "2nd Day Air Shipping" that you think you are never going to get pregnant?? You want to know what unfair is? Come talk to me.

2. Drinking
You are trying to conceive a baby, why the hell are you drinking during your 2WW? If you can't give up drinking for the 2 weeks after ovulation to determine whether or not you are pregnant then maybe you are not ready to have a baby.

3. Am I Pregnant?
Why is it that newbies have this need to ask others, particularly on forums, if the symptoms they are having indicate pregnancy. Wait, let me look into my crystal ball. Nope, that cramping you are having is just gas, sorry. If you think you are pregnant then take a test. I also can't stand those who are convinced that they are having pregnancy symptoms 4 days after ovulation. Time to educate yourself people. Implantation doesn't take place for 6-10 days after ovulation. It takes 2 days after implantation for HCG to even become detectable with a HPT. Unless you are pregnant with 10 babies, you are not going to feel anything that early. Yes, it is all in your head!

4. People Who Live on TTC Forums
Now let me start out by saying that I have no problem with TTC/pregnancy forums. However, there is a fine line between support/knowledge and obsession. I also get a kick out of all of the inaccurate information that is given on TTC boards. Actually, keep doing it. It provides hours of enjoyment just reading all of the ridiculous things that you write about.

5. Can You See A Line?
Why are you asking? Do you really think that if you can't see a line in person that we are going to be able to see a non-existent line on a computer screen? Even better are the ones who post an obviously positive test asking if a line can be seen. Can we say narcissistic?? I also get a kick out of the people who post a picture of their OPK and ask if it is positive. Again, if you can't determine if it is positive then you probably aren't smart enough to be making a child.

6. It Is Cycle Day 29, I'm Late!
No you're not. I know that in grade school you are taught that ovulation occurs on day 14 and 14 days later your period comes so a cycle is 28 days, but for most women this is not true. This is probably why you are not getting pregnant. Unless your cycle is a perfect 28 days, you are not late! Educate yourself!

7. Implantation Bleeding
Why is everything implantation bleeding? Implantation bleeding occurs in only 30% of pregnancies. Statistically speaking, your chances of not having it are greater than having it. And no, you are not experiencing implantation bleeding 2 or 3 days after ovulation. I don't know what it is but it is not IB. Again, educate yourself!

Which leads me to...

8. When Can I Test
Whenever the hell you want to! Why do you need to ask others when you can test. If you buy a box of tests it tells you how early it can detect HCG and how accurate the results are on each of those days. If you want to waste money you can start testing starting the day of ovulation. Hell, why not start on the first day of your period.

9. Baby Dust
Yes, I once fell for this pathetic concept. It only lasted long enough for me to realize how stupid it was, which wasn't long at all. Fine, if you want to say it once in a while go ahead, but please do not finish every forum post with "Magical Baby Dust to All." Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth...

Last but not least...

10. Chart Stalkers
Before starting fertility treatments I was a big fan of Fertility Friend and I still believe that it is a great way for women to educate themselves about their cycles. However, there is no need to stare at it all day. Once you enter your information for the day, the changes happen instantly...even if your cover line changes. Staring at it for hours at a time is not going to make it any different. Also, why are you posting your chart on a forum. I really don't need or want to know what days you did the "baby dance" or what days you had egg white cervical mucus on. TMI!!


  1. LOL! My favorites are the ones who post pics of their HPT's with a negative filter on them because you can "see the line better that way".
    If you're taking the time to photoshop your pee-stick pics, you've got problems.
    I hate baby dust too! Especially combined with "sticky bean". Ick!!! Plus, sorry, but baby dust just sounds kind of morbid, don't you think? And dust on sticky stuff makes it less sticky...
    Sorry now I'm ranting. :-)

  2. Love this post!!!! I also can't stand those who label themselves as "infertile" way early in the TTC game. I get that you're worried if, say, six months or so have passed....but you're not infertile yet. Don't be so anxious to join our club -- it's not nearly as cool as it seems.

    Sending much love (but no baby dust) to you this morning.


  3. I love this post! I am irritated by almost all of what you have written. The worst being when after a month or two of trying women moan about not being pregnant. Seriously if only they knew how hard it really is. Nine years down the line and I have never gotten a positive now that is infertile!!

  4. Hehe. This is a funny way to start out my Monday morning. Thank you!

  5. This is hilarious.. Even though most of this irritate me as well im sure we were all there at some point.

  6. Baby dust bugs me to no end, especially when followed by a wave of ******. Thanks for the laugh today!