Tuesday, August 23, 2011

And So It Begins

Today I am 4pd2dt or 6dpo. I have been feeling pretty excited and confident about this cycle...and then today came. I was driving in between meetings today and it was like my heart stopped. Here I am driving around like everything is just perfect and I suddenly thought "what if it's not?" At this point I am trying like hell to stay on the road as the tears from my controllable sobbing are making it difficult to see. I don't have any indication that this cycle is a failure but that "protective voice" inside my head is starting to do it's thing.

There are a few details about this cycle that I have yet to share but its those details that will make failure of this cycle almost unbearable. If this cycle does not work it will be implying something bad. (I apologize for the vagueness but I an not ready to share these intimate details yet.) The only thing running through my mind is that if this cycle does fail, my journey will likely be over...forever. It will pretty much show us that this dream of mine is not possible and that everything that I have done up until now has been a complete waste. I am still remaining hopeful, but the fear of failing is more overwhelming than ever. Please God, just get me through these next 7 days.


7 comments:

  1. I hope so hard it's just the hormones kicking in. Thinking of you and sending lots of prayers and positive vibes your way. I hope this is it for you!

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  2. Keeping fingers, toes, and eyes cross. Hoping for the best for you!!!

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  3. Hoping, praying and crossing everything that can be crossed that this cycle is a raging success for you!

    ICLW #19

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  4. Sending you tons of sticky baby dust!!!

    happy ICLW!!
    #75

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