Sunday, July 31, 2011

Things That I Can't Live Without

I thought that I would take a break from my bitching and complaining and do more of a lighthearted post...kinda. During this journey there have been some things that have helped to get me through the rough and unpleasant times. Here is a list of the things that I can't live without while going through fertility treatments:

1. Chanel Makeup

This makeup is a godsend. I use this foundation along with the Double Perfection Compact to cover up all of the nastiness caused by the fertility meds. This makeup allows me to leave the house without looking like a boy going through puberty. It does a great job of concealing everything...even the blood vessels that have ruptured on my nose as a result of using Lovenox.

2. Google
Yes, I have posted before that I hated Google. It is a great source of anxiety, but it has also helped me get through some uncertain times. I take what I read with a grain of salt, but sometimes it is nice just reading a positive story regarding the situation you are currently in. Does it change the outcome? No. Does it help to pass the time until you get some answers? Sure does.

3. Cheese

I know that this one is odd but it is an absolute comfort food for me. Whenever I feel stressed or worried I reach for cheese. Normally I would reach for a glass of wine but since I can't have it, I have substituted it with cheese. I indulge in Jalapeno brick cheese, string cheese, and even Land O'Lakes deli sliced American cheese. I have always had a serious cheese addiction but I have to say that over the last 2 years it has become much worse.

4. Panty Liners

Yeah, these are a necessity. After using vaginal Viagra, Estrace, and Progesterone, you just can't be without these. For anyone just starting fertility treatments all I have to say is buy them in bulk. Trust me on this one.

5. My OCD
My OCD is often the subject of many jokes but in all actuality it is what helps me stay so on top of everything. Since I am a sticky note and list type of person, I am always organized (that is the understatement of the century) when it comes to my cycles and protocols. There is so much to remember. It isn't just like popping a pill every night. Different drugs have to be given at different times, at the same time everyday. Some drugs start before the cycle, some on CD2 or 3, some mid get the point. It also has been a challenge to keep my schedule organized. Trying to balance my work schedule with blood work, ultrasounds, surgeries, and procedures would be next to impossible if I wasn't so obsessive with planning things. As I have said before, I don't have the type of job where I sit in an office most of the day. I travel between two states and have frequent meetings in other parts of the country and even sometimes out of the country. See, OCD isn't all that bad!

Okay, now for the serious ones.
6. This Blog
I know that after my 2nd loss that I took a pretty long hiatus from this blog, but I am glad to be back. I find it so helpful that I can take all of my frustrations, worries, and fears and just get them off of my chest. Over the past few months (since I have been back) I have received many emails from both my followers and private readers telling me about their journeys. Even though I wish I never had to go through any of this, I love when I receive an email telling me that my blog has given someone strength or hope. I also love (and need) the support too. No one should ever have to be alone when walking down this road.

7. The Nurse Manager at My Clinic
I cannot say enough about this woman. After all of my late night emails, phone calls on Friday nights or Sunday mornings, calls during the day because I am freaking out about something in my cycle or because I am having a hard time dealing with a loss or a post-cycle difficulty, she still treats me with respect and seems to welcome my "neediness" with open arms. She goes above and beyond every single day. You can truly tell that her job is very important to her and that she takes it very personally. I can honestly say that if she wasn't a part of this journey, my journey would have ended a long time ago. During my cycle after my third loss, I freaked out during one of my monitoring appointments. I started crying uncontrollably and said that I just couldn't do this anymore. She was the one who walked in the room, gave me a hug and then grabbed me by the shoulders and said that I had two choices; I can give up knowing that if I do, this will never happen or I can keep fighting until I get what I want. I don't think that she knows this, but it was those words that gave me the strength that I have, the strength that has gotten me through two more losses, one of which was very complicated. I feel like I owe my life to her and I wish that there was something that I could do to thank her. She has a very special place in my heart.

8. All of My Fellow Infertiles
Where would I be without them? These people are amazing. I have one couple and two women in particular that have been there by my side...and I am happy to report that all of them are now pregnant. The one couple that I have become friends with have been through 8 failed IUIs and 5 IVFs they are currently 38 weeks pregnant with a little girl. One of the women that I have befriended (who has been through hell and back too) just entered her 2nd trimester and the other one is almost 6 weeks pregnant after her first IVF. Through my losses, my failed cycles, and even this current cycle, they are a constant source of support and positiveness. I am so lucky to have them in my life.

9. My Husband

He has been amazing. We have had our rough times through all of this, but in the end he is always there for me. He gives me my Estradiol Valerate and PIO injections, he goes to every appointment, he takes care of me when I feel like crap, and most importantly, he puts up with my mood swings caused by the meds. He even, on occasion, has accompanied me to the monthly support group at my clinic. Last August, right after my D&C, my bladder shut down which resulted in me being catheterized for over 6 weeks. I had quite a few complications along with it, not to mention the pain, and he stepped up and did what he had to do. He did the cooking, the cleaning, and the laundry. His number one priority at the time was me and still is today. I don't know what I would do without him, he is everything to me.  


  1. You are truly an inspiration my dear, and I think I need to learn some of your OCD's. Keep your chin up and keep going toward the goal :)

  2. What a great list and an awesome attitude you have. I LOVE that picture of you and your husband. Please know that you have been an inspiration to me for a long time now, and I can't wait to watch your "happily ever after" materialize.

    P.S. No whipped cream flavored beverages made the list?