Sunday, July 24, 2011

I Hate Lupron!

I completely forgot how awful Lupron is when you use it for down-regulation. The last time that I used it for this purpose was in November as my last cycle we did the Flare Protocol so there was no type of suppression used prior to starting stims. Apparently my pituitary gland did it's "dump" of FSH and LH last night and all I can say is that I thought that I was going to die...or just plain kill myself. About 4am I woke up from a horrible dream (one where I was pregnant and someone shot me in the stomach) with a horrible headache and extreme nausea. I also had such horrific pain in my legs...it was almost like the inside of my bones hurt and no matter what position I was in, it wouldn't get any better. The worst part though was the hallucinations and the shear panic I was experiencing. When I woke up I immediately sat up and looked over at my husband...he was not there. I ran downstairs crying, couldn't find him so I ran back up and then I realized he was laying in bed sound asleep. I laid back down in bed but I had this overwhelming feeling that something bad was going to happen. I kept seeing movement and hearing noises like someone was in my house. I laid awake for almost 3 hours crying as I came to the realization that all of this was in my head and I couldn't make it stop. I came close to waking my husband up as I was actually scared. I was worried that this wasn't going to stop. What would I do? Go to the ER and tell them that I am hallucinating because of fertility meds? Yeah, that would earn me a trip to a psych hospital for sure. I ended up finally dozing off and when I woke up, it was over. I felt normal again but was a bit shaken from the whole experience. I immediately remembered a similar incident from last November and it happened around day 5 of my Lupron administration and that is exactly where I am at now. Last time, however, I was driving when it hit and I turned into a mad women and almost smashed my vehicle into the side of our house.

After this whole experience I decided to go on Dr. Google to see if any other women have had this type of reaction to Lupron. To my surprise, I found so many others that have completely lost it. Some have had to cancel their IVF cycles, others needed Benzos just to function, and there was one woman that I found that was actually hospitalized. This did make me feel better but it worried me at the same time as I never want to go through that again. I went and read the Product Insert for the Lupron and it said that up to 45% of women experienced psychiatric side effects from it. I obviously fall into that 45%.

So now that waiting game begins. I took my last BCP last night and I continue with 10 units of Lupron until AF shows up. Lupron can screw up things a bit where AF can come late but if it doesn't show by Thursday I will call my clinic to see if I can go in for baselines. I am not sure if I will even bleed after that last bleed I had about 2 weeks ago. Since I have been on the pill I am assuming that there isn't much of my lining that will shed so I will have to stay vigilant so I don't miss it.

On a different note, I received a phone call Friday afternoon that completely blew me away. The nurse manager at my clinic told me last week that the IVF prices were going up starting August 1st but she wasn't sure how much. I called the clinic's main financial department and spoke to one of the women over there. She went over the new prices and explained everything fully. Yes the prices are going up, but considering what you are getting not to mention the quality of care that comes with it, the prices are amazing. I asked if there were any specials coming up as I missed the last one by about a week. In December my clinic ran a special for 1 week where if you bought a 2 IVF package, they would give a 3rd cycle for free. She said that she didn't know of any and they actually didn't find out about the previous one until the day that started running it. About an hour after I talked with her she had called me back. I figured she forgot to tell me something about one of the packages but that wasn't it at all. She was calling to tell me that because I had missed the special last December that they were going to give me a free IVF cycle so I do not have to pay anything for this current IVF! I can't believe it!! I am so thankful and overjoyed and feel so blessed to have this wonderful "family" in my life. I always say that if it wasn't for their care and support, that I don't know if I would still be doing this. There is, however, a part of me that feels guilty. I know that there are many women out there that can't afford IVF and have to give up for financial reasons. I knew going into this that I only had the funds to do one more package and then my journey would come to an end but still, I could afford one more package. So, I have decided that once my journey comes to an end and I end up with my little miracle in my arms that I am going to pay it forward and sponsor a patient at my clinic and help them out financially through IVF. This process has changed me forever and I would give my left kidney to help someone else out. I know what it feels like to think that I may never be a mom and it is the most awful feeling in the world. I am hoping that through this sponsorship that I can keep another woman from ever having to feel like I have.

8 comments:

  1. Hello from ICLW. So sorry about all of the Lupron side effects. The news from your clinic on the free IVF cycle is awesome! It seems like you have found one amazing clinic to work with. Whoever you are able to pay it forward for will be so lucky--what a cool gift you'll be able to give someone.

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  2. Booooo to your bodies response to lupron-but OMG-holy infertile jack pot baby!!!!!

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  3. Wow -- what an amazing gift! And how generous of you to think already about paying it forward. I hate Lupron, too -- though I've never had as bad of a reaction to it as you have.

    I really hope this is the cycle that brings you your little one.

    Hugs,
    Jo

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  4. Wow thats great about the free cycle!! Yay

    Bummer about the Lupron, sounds like a absolute nightmare, literally. 45% is REALLY high!!

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  5. You are so amazing. I love the idea of paying it forward, and I am so happy that you are getting a free cycle. After everything you've been through, you definitely deserve a gift.

    I had all of the same effects you mentioned when I was taking Lupron. I had panic and feelings of doom...and my God...that bone pain!!! For what it is worth, you know that there is an end date in sight and you won't have to feel this way much longer. I know that is of little comfort when you are going through it, but it really will be over soon...and will all be worth it when you have that baby in your arms.

    Take care of yourself.

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  6. Wow! That is just scary with the Lupron side effects you went through. I don't think I could have just let my husband sleep..well, even if I let him sleep, he sleeps so light he'd be up anyway. :)

    That's a great clinic you have! I know how it is to feel guilty about the prices of IVF. Here in Finland much of it is subsidized by the government if you go the public clinic route and even if you do go the private route, it is still much much cheaper than in the US.

    May this be your cycle!
    (ICLW)

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  7. Yikes - the side effects of Lupron are scary. I'm surprised that your doctor didn't warn you of those.

    What a relief that your clinic came through for you.

    I hope this cycle goes quickly for you with a BFP at the end!

    (ICLW #106)

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  8. Wow! You poor thing. Looks like you and I started suppression on the same day. I wish you were having the same kind of time I am - tired and a little emotional but nothing else. I hope you feel much better soon.

    Remember that part of the husband job description is to calm and sooth terrified wives in the middle of the night - but they can't do that if they're asleep.

    Great news on the free cycle - and good on you for sharing the love. More of that and the world would be a better place.

    Fingers crossed for a BFP (for both of us).

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