Monday, July 18, 2011

Blah, Blah, Blah

I am in somewhat of a hateful mood today. First I find out that my insurance is no longer covering my Lupron so now I am forced to get the compounded version of it because that is all I can afford, but I also found out that my insurance has requested more information from my clinic before they will fill the rest of my meds. I am so scared that they are going to cut us off and I will have to pay for my meds out of pocket. If that happens, I am screwed. I went on a few pharmacy websites to see how much my meds would be out of pocket. A Follistim 900IU cartridge I found for around $1200 each...and I would need ten of them. Neupogen is $561 per injection and I would need 14. Ganirelix is $120 per injection and I need 14. Do the math. This isn't even considering that I would also need E2V injections, PIO, Noveral, Nitro Patches, Crinone, and Lovenox.

I am so frustrated and so angry. I swear that the next person who claims that they know how frustrating TTC is because they have been trying for a few months, is going to get punched in the face. No one, and I mean no one, should complain about the difficulties around getting pregnant if they have been trying for only a few months. That is a slap in the face to me and my fellow infertiles. You want to know what "difficult" is? Come walk one day in our shoes and I promise that you will run the other way. I am 3 days from my 2 year anniversary of this nightmare. In these 2 years I have been through 5 losses, 3 IUIs, 2 IVFs (not to mention the months we tried on our own), bladder failure with catheterization, 3 D&Cs, 4 rounds of Methotrexate, 29 weeks worth of waiting for my HCG to return to negative after losses, 3 hysteroscopies, 1 septum resection, removal of 3 polyps, 1 SHG, 1 HSG, 2 hospitalizations and countless days in tears. How the f**k is this fair?

I am sitting in tears as I write this because I know that this nightmare is not over. I know I have no choice but to move forward in this journey but I am scared shitless. I am completely alone as no one around me, except for my friends that have also been down this road, can even remotely begin to understand. I try to talk about it but I realize how uncomfortable it makes people so I quit while I am ahead. You would think that this process would get easier since I have been doing this for so long, but it really doesn't.


  1. Oh crap! Not fair at all. Not in a million years. So sorry you have to go through all this.

  2. I am so sorry, I pray that the insurance will cover all the meds you need x