Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What Do I Need?

Last night all I could think about was how awful my CGH results were. I am too young to have so many bad eggs. I found a graph in a journal article about egg quality and it showed the progression of chromosomally abnormal eggs in relation to age. According to this graph, my egg quality is pretty much equivalent to that of a 45 year old. After obsessing over it all night I ended up emailing my nurse and calling the head embryologist at my clinic today. I told the nurse how I felt and I couldn't believe the results. She told me that this is all part of reproduction and I am actually lucky as two other women had their transfers canceled this week due to having no normal embryos. I feel horrible for these women but it made me realize how lucky I am. The embryologist, who is absolutely awesome, took his time and went over every last detail of my cycle from his perspective. Since they give me a picture of each embryo that fertilized including their grading, he went over them one by one and explained everything. We then looked at the embryo that I transferred. He said that the embryo was great and it was only hours behind and shows all of the signs of turning into a blast. He said that the cell only had about 11% fragmentation which isn't a lot at all. He said given that they lasered it for the assisted hatching and removed one cell for the CGH biopsy early on, that this is expected. After talking to him I feel so much better and I don't feel defeated anymore. He gave me my HOPE back!

Today I was reading of all the women who have done CGH as there is a group of clinics who actually include it as part of their protocol for women with recurrent losses or multiple failed IVF attempts. On the clinic's forum I found very few women that haven't had their CGH cycle work. There were a few but they all have implantation issues, meaning that, despite multiple IVF attempts, they have never had a positive pregnancy test...I have had 4. I get pregnant, I just don't stay pregnant. Everything I am finding supports the fact that this is going to work out for me. Right now I need to cling to all of the hope I can find.

One thing that is scaring me a bit is I am already attaching to this potential pregnancy. With all of my IUIs and my last IVF we were just putting back embryos and hoping for the best. But this time, I already know that I have a perfect little girl in there that is going to be born with 10 fingers and 10 toes. I am finding myself referring to her by the name that my husband and I picked out a couple of years ago when we first started trying. This is my daughter already. Please, please, please be strong enough to hold on. I already love you!

10 comments:

  1. I'm sending thoughts and prayers to you and your daughter! Good luck!

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  2. Visiting from ICLW. I hope this cycle is a success and that in 9 months you will have a take-home baby. Best of luck to you!

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  3. hoping and praying for the best...for you and your little girl...
    <3

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  4. Oh, I'm having my fingers crossed for your little girl. Sending all kinds of positive thoughts!

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  5. Hi from ICLW #128. I'm glad you have your hope back and I pray you get good news!

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  6. Hi from ICLW!

    I have my fingers crossed for you that you get good news and that this is it. I know the pain of trying and not getting anywhere, just like you do, so I hope you finally get that one thing that you are so yearning for. You definitely have a new blog follower here.

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  7. Hi from ICLW!

    STICK BABY STICK!
    I am so glad that you have your hope back

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  8. Hello from ICLW (#25)

    I'm interested to see how this cycle goes for you and catching up more on your blog. I have a similar history (mine in particular is 5 natural pg miscarriages and an IVF BFN), and doing an IVF with CGH is something we're considering, though I'm not entirely convinced it's worth it...

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  9. Awww! I have everything crossed for you! Good luck!!! Happy ICLW!

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  10. Thanks everyone for all the comments. I am in the process of reading everyone's blog so I can't wait to get through them all. Thanks again for all of your support!!

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