Thursday, June 23, 2011

Operation POAS: My Secret Mission

I know clinics hate when you take a HPT prior to Beta but too bad! My rationale for doing so is that I would rather be devastated at home rather than stressing out for the phone call on the day of my Beta and also dealing with that awkward silence on the phone when I start sobbing because it is negative. Tomorrow I am 4dp5dt. That is very early to start testing but I don't care. Since it is so early I know that it will be negative. My reasoning for starting so early is that I really want to see what the earliest day is that you can get a BFP...if it ever becomes one.

I currently have 2 Clearblue Easy Early Result tests. I will be going out to buy a package of digitals tomorrow as the only way that I believe that it is really positive is if I see the word "PREGNANT" in the little window. All the "what ifs" are starting to run through my mind. What if this doesn't work? What if I have yet another miscarriage? What if it shows up positive early on, but my Beta is low when I go in on Wednesday (indicating something is wrong?) One thing that I refuse to do is to interpret the darkness of lines from day to day. I personally think that it is ridiculous that so many women stress themselves out over something that gives you yes/no results, not quantitative results. There are so many factors that can influence the intensity of the lines; how much you drink the previous day, how many time you get up to pee during the night, how much sodium you ate the previous day, even how much dye is on that particular test. Since these PIO shots have me peeing every hour or so I know that my urine will not be that concentrated. I am now getting up at least 4-5 times per night to pee. The other annoying thing that the PIO Shots are doing is giving me such uterine discomfort. Since yesterday morning I have been having these twisting/pinching pains...at times they take my breath away...not to mention some cramping. I keep worrying that AF is coming but I haven't turned into a total bitch so I know that she isn't coming in the next day or two.

So tomorrow officially begins "Operation POAS." I don't know what the future holds for me but there are things that I do know:
  1. I had a uterine septum removed in April that was obstructing the top of my uterus where the embryo normally implants, so now my uterus is normal and my chances of conceiving based on that are similar to the general population
  2. My uterus is now free of polyps and my lining looked great during the hysteroscopy 4 days prior to starting my stims so I know that my uterus was in great shape right before starting this cycle.
  3. And most importantly...I have one chromosomally normal embryo in my uterus. We know that it is free of any defects!
Looking at those three things really makes me hopeful. My RE is optimistic and is sending me encouraging emails that are making me feel so much more relaxed. He is not promising anything but he has made me realize that this cycle is the best one yet and my chances are better than any other cycle I've had. He also reminded me that I have been pregnant 4 other times so we know that I can get pregnant. I have to say that I absolutely adore him. I have never encountered such a caring physician in my life. I truly believe that he goes above and beyond and I really wish that there was a way to have him recognized for that. I am truly blessed that we have crossed paths...even it they haven't been under the best circumstances. I keep busting my husbands ass that I have a little school girl crush on him...I actually kind of do!  

I will post an update here tomorrow night on the first day of "Operation POAS."

9 comments:

  1. I got my finger, toes, and eyes crossed for you and I'm praying that you get a BFP.

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  2. sending over the biggest bunch of baby dust i can find! good luck krystyn!! <3

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  3. Hope you get a BFP! Similar to you, I always test at home before betas, too, and for the same reasons you listed.

    Wishing you all the best!

    ICLW

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  4. Hello from ICLW. I hope you get a BFP.

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  5. I have everything crossed for you! :) Good luck and hope to see those 2 lines VERY soon!! Cant wait to hear/read!!
    ((hugs)) to you and LOTS of sticky baby dust coming your way!!
    :)

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  6. I am crossing everything I have for you!!! Good luck!

    Hugs from ICLW!

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  7. I love the name, Operation POAS! Wishing you all the luck in the world.

    (Here from ICLW)

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