Monday, June 27, 2011

F**k You Infertility!

Despite my husband hiding my HPTs, I managed to find them and test one last time today...negative of course. It is now officially over! No hope, no "maybe it will happen," its over, end of story. Despite this let down being awfully familiar, it is a bit different this time. I think that doing the CGH got my hopes so high because I figured that if a chromosomally normal embryo was put back, there is no reason why it wouldn't develop. Well it didn't. I believe that I have a combination of issues here. The first being my sucky ass lining. Yes, there have been pregnancies where women get pregnant with thinner linings than mine, but the chances are decreased. On top of my sucky lining, I also have sucky eggs. The quality of my eggs are actually worse than someone who is starting menopause. Why is that?

I have spent a lot of time researching failed CGH cycles and poor egg quality issues. I came across a doctor who is the head of one of the nation's most successful IVF clinics. He actually uses CGH in his standard protocol for those with recurrent pregnancy loss and those that are considered to be of "advanced maternal age." I decided to email him to get his prospective. That one little email has turned into a full conversation about my history. What I have learned is that both the Flare protocol and the use of Menopur for stimulation can greatly effect egg quality...this gives me a bit of hope. Unfortunately, this is something that you don't know until you try it. The combination of two protocols would possibly work for me. One part would be to avoid affecting egg quality during the down regulation and stimulation phases, the other part would be to help stimulate my lining. I am actually waiting for yet another email from him. He even offered to do a phone consult with me next week for free where he is going to review all of my records and tell me what he recommends. He is based out of his clinic in Las Vegas, but he also has a clinic in NYC.

Now I wait for my conversation with my RE on Wednesday and also for AF to show her bitchy little face. I feel like she is trying to come but progesterone supplements are holding her off. The cramps are getting so bad that I feel nauseous at times.  I can't wait for this cycle to officially wrap up so I can move on...I need to.


9 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you are right it's no fair. You work so hard at this and still you have to deal with all this pain. I wish I could do something to help,, if there is anything I can do I am here for you. You are in my prayers! Hugs!

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  2. I'm so sorry! I know there isn't much anyone can say to make you feel better. Ugh why does infertility have to be such a bitch!!! I'll be praying for u so that u find guidance towards ur next step. Big hugs to u =(

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  3. Thanks ladies! I am trying so hard to stay focused on my ultimate goal. If I don't continue on, I will never get the end result that I want!

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  4. It totally sucks that your last cycle didn't work but I;m glad you found such an amazing doctor to consult with. Good luck and I hope the long distance consult brings you the BFP you dream of.

    ICLW #10

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  5. ICLW

    aww poos, sorry this didn't work.

    But yay for having contact with an ace doc, he sounds exceptionally helpful

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  6. I'm so sorry, Krystyn. I wish I could do something to help, but I know I can't. I think it is great that you have looked into an outside opinion and I think I know what RE you are talking about...he does develop the most cutting-edge protocols. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

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  7. I am so very sorry! You'be been on my mind so much lately that I'be been dreaming of you! Hope that doesn't creep you out. Anyhow, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

    Kateri

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  8. *hugs* I'm so sorry. I hope this new RE can come up with a protocol that will help get your pregnant and keep you pregnant

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