Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Drama Continues



Today I feel like total shit. I am starting to wonder how long I can bleed like this before it becomes a problem. This morning I thought that it had slowed down a bit but after being on my feet for a while, I was reminded how bad it really was. I have decided to stop the Viagra...I need to listen to what my gut is telling me. Since the Viagra increases blood flow to the endometrium, and the endometrium is what is bleeding, I thought I would give it 48 hours to see if it made a difference. My RE asked me on Friday what my gut said, but I couldn't answer him so he told me that we would compromise and I could take it twice a day instead of four times. No matter what happens, I will start the Viagra back up Monday morning. I also just realized that my ER will no longer be on Friday since I didn't respond to stims as planned, so now I have that much longer for my lining to thicken up and for the bleeding to stop.

I have been running through all of the possibilities and this is what I have come up with:
  1. If I don't respond to the increased dose of medication, my cycle will be canceled.
  2. If I do respond and end up with a lot of eggs but the bleeding continues I will go for ER and if the bleeding stops afterwards I will go ahead with ET and if it doesn't I will freeze the embryos and do a FET the following month. If there are more than six good looking embryos on Day3 I will proceed with CGH. Less than that, I will not...I actually don't think that CNY will let me. 
  3. If I respond to the increased meds but only end up with 3 or 4 lead follicles, I will convert to an IUI and not waste a paid for IVF cycle. 
I have to say that I am also having a hard time coping with the news of my AMH level. I have been doing some reading and apparently my level of 0.67 is equivalent to that of someone in their mid 40s and this also means that I will have early onset menopause. I feel like my time is running out. It is so hard to believe that my ovaries have declined this much in one year. My RE has created a sense of urgency with me, so having a baby is something that I need to be successful at soon or it may never happen. Knowing that this needs to happen sooner rather than later I have been freaking out a bit as I realized that I can no longer afford IVF. I have finally paid off these two cycles and I am out of money...however, I received a letter from my company the other day congratulating me on my exceptional productivity for the 1st quarter of the year. For my stellar performance (I work my ass off for it) they have compensated me nicely. I now have the money for 2 more cycles of IVF. Just knowing this has taken a little bit of pressure off of me as I know that I will have the ability to go right into another cycle if this ones fails, and since time is of the essence, I will not have to risk my ovaries further declining. Maybe, just maybe, this is the silver lining that I have been waiting for...    

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