Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Anxious much?

Today my blood pressure was 138/98 and the nurse asked me if I was stressed over something. You think??? I mean really. I eat, sleep, and breath IVF, how can I not be stressed? I had yet another monitoring appointment today to check how my follicles and lining were growing and to monitor my estrogen levels. Since last time they really couldn't get a good look at my lining, I was a bit nervous what the true thickness really was. Luckily it was a 6.2 which means that it should be at least a 7 or so by trigger which is perfectly adequate (according to the head doc at CNY) to sustain a pregnancy. He told me that someone recently had triplets from a lining of 4. Its quality, not quantity! So anyway, they were able to now see 6 follicles in each ovary for a total of 12. They seem to think that a few more will pop out between now and Friday so I am hoping for 15 (too greedy?) My estrogen has jumped to 771 from 223 which means it is doubling every 27 hours when it needs to double every 48 hours. Even if it only doubles every 48 hours between now and my trigger shot on Saturday, my estimated estrogen level at trigger will be just over 2300. If I keep doubling this fast my estrogen could exceed 3000! Yay!!

So as of right now I continue all of my meds and I am staying on the Viagra, whether it is doing anything or not. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. I am so happy that after more than 6 months, I am finally doing this again. However, the fears are starting to kick in. What if it doesn't work? What if none of my embryos are genetically normal? What if I have another miscarriage? Getting pregnant isn't the problem, its staying pregnant. Except for the ectopic in January, I have found out the week of discharge from my RE that the heartbeat was gone. All I can see is the look on the RT's face as she realized that it was over. I have seen this face more than once and I never want to see it again. I need to accept that there isn't a damn thing that I can do. I have done more than most people do to have a baby. There is nothing more that I can do. It is officially out of my hands and now I just need to have faith!

1 comment:

  1. i really admire how strong you stay through all of this!!
    keeping the faith <3