Tuesday, May 3, 2011

When life knocks you down you have two choices-stay down or get up.

After a yearlong "hiatus" from blogging, I have decided to come back. I have realized that I need this more than ever as I do not have the strength to continue this journey alone. So much has happened over the past year (I will recap in a minute) that has left me feeling alone, ashamed, and heartbroken. I have no idea how I am still standing but somehow I have pushed ahead and I am still fighting. So as promised, here is a recap:

Last March I went through my second miscarriage after getting pregnant naturally. It sadly ended right before my 9th week. After going through this trauma, I decided that I did not want to do this on my own anymore. Since I was already an established patient at CNY, I was able to jump right into ART. Since we knew I was able to get pregnant, we decided to start with IUI. The IUI in June was a bust so we did another one in July. Happily it worked but sadly it ended, yet again, right before my 9th week. To make matters even worse I ended up with some major problems after the D&C. My bladder ended up shutting down (not related to the D&C) and I was catheterized for over 6 weeks. After a break so I could heal, we did a 3rd IUI in October but it didn't work. At this point I was done with IUIs. I was already injecting myself with an ungodly amount of medication for the IUI, so why not move on to IVF which will increase our odds of success.

We did our first IVF in December. We found out two days before the New Year that we were pregnant. Unfortunately the joy was short lived as my HCG went down and then it plateaued so the pregnancy was deemed ectopic. Initially, my HCG declined steadily over the first couple of weeks following the Methotrexate injection but then it slowed and ended up plateauing. I received a second round of Methotrexate and that seemed to do the trick. About 9 weeks into my HCG decline, my numbers started going back up. My RE was concerned that I was pregnant again, but I quickly informed him that you needed to have sex to get pregnant, so we were able to quickly rule that out. Since I already had 2 rounds of Methotrexate, my RE decided that we were going to do another D&C and another round of Methotrexate. About a week later, we received the pathology reports from the D&C. It said that there were "products of conception" in the sample which indicates that I had an intrauterine pregnancy as well as an ectopic. So not only was I dealing with the initial loss, I was now dealing with the fact that I lost two babies, not one.

After all of this my RE decided that he would not let me do another IVF until I had a hysteroscopy. This was done under anesthesia and was a very quick, painless procedure. I remember being wheeled out of the recovery room back into my room where my husband was waiting for me. I looked at him and said "so everything was fine, right?" He looked at me but didn't answer me. I immediately got upset and demanded that he tell me what was going on. I was so upset that I could only make out part of what he was saying so I yelled for the nurse. Not realizing it was almost 6pm, and not that I cared, I demanded that she call my RE as I needed to speak to him immediately. As soon as I heard his voice I calmed down but I wasn't expecting the news that he was about to deliver. He informed me that I had a septate uterus and that is what was causing all of these miscarriages. Just to confirm, he sent me for a MRI the following day. On the 28th of April I went back into the hospital and had the septum removed. I am on Estrogen Replacement Therapy for 3 more weeks. During my last 10 days of Estrogen, I will take Provera which is a progesterone based drug, and this will induce AF. When she rears her ugly face I will start on BCP and go in for a SHG to make sure the septum is completely gone. If all is clear I will be able to start my next IVF cycle the middle of June. I am excited but my RE did say that sometimes a second surgery is needed, so I am not too excited.

So there you have it. I think I did a great job recapping this nightmare what I have been through since my last post.

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