Sunday, May 8, 2011

Is This Day Over Yet?

I have spent the past month or so prepping myself for this day. I started layering on the protective armor as if I was going to war. Every day I would put on another layer so that I would be properly shielded from the upcoming attack. Unfortunately, all that prep work didn't do any good. The minute I woke up today I was overcome with sadness. My armor was not strong enough to withstand today's ammunition. Today, I had nothing to celebrate. I was surrounded by people who were happy and excited for this dreadful holiday to be here. Me, not so much. How could I celebrate a day that brings me so much pain? Today I should be holding my child in my arms, thanking God for the gift he has given me. But I have nothing. Nothing to show for the pain, heartache, and loss I have endured. Today, I am not alone. I am connected to others who are feeling the same. Some who have had their babies taken away, and others who have faced loss through repeated failed cycles. For this we are mothers. We are the mothers who have gone to hell and back for the child we have yet to meet. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you today. I know that this is a difficult day for all of us, but please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

After each loss, my husband and I buy an angel and put the date of loss on the bottom to commemorate our angel babies. They are with me in spirit and I am comforted just knowing that they are watching over me.

1 comment:

  1. You were in my thoughts all day yesterday. I think even when we reach the next stage in our journey Mother's day is forever changed. At least it will be for me because as much as I'm happy for myself I still grieve with each woman I've met along my journey who still fights everyday to be a mother and I think it will always be apart of me. I never knew so many women suffer through this journey until I walked the road myself so I hope its a little comforting to know I'll never forget the road I walked or the amazing women who walked along side me. And know I'm still walking beside you and I'm here for you to lean on if You need to and I'll be there cheering when you complete this journey. Hugs to you for being a strong and amazing woman.