Friday, May 6, 2011
I'm Not Fat, I'm Big Boned
Actually, I prefer the word "puffy." It sounds so much less permanent and more like an ailment from a illness or disease, something that isn't my fault. What triggered me to write this post you ask? Well, this morning I woke up kind of late and for those of you who know me I am a complete prima donna and I can't leave the house unless everything is perfect; my hair, my makeup, my outfit. So this morning my alarm goes off 45 minutes prior to the time I need to leave the house. So, since I take 45 minutes just to flatiron my hair (I have a modified afro), I decided to just pull my hair back into a low ponytail to save time. I first did my makeup because pulling my hair off my face without any makeup results in me looking like Mick Jagger. So after plastering on my completed face, I swept my hair back and secured it with an elastic band. I then grabbed my hand mirror to make sure every hair was perfectly in place when I suddenly noticed that I didn't recognize my neck. Where did all this creases come from? When did my neck grow to be as big as the Incredible Hulk's? To me, I looked like a petite version of the Michelin Man. (It is important to understand that this is actually the first time I have pulled my hair back in a long time as my hair has been too short.)
Since starting this journey almost 2 years ago, I have put on a considerable amount of weight. Between being pregnant 4 times and injecting myself with the same hormones they use to beef up cows, I have put on a good 30 pounds, despite my recent 14 pound loss (YAY ME!) With the warmer weather right around the corner, I am finding myself getting depressed and discouraged over these rolls, divots and lumps that now adorn my body. Until further notice I have boycotted shorts, bathing suits, and any other article of clothing that will make me resemble Kirstie Alley. Unfortunately, this incredible girth expansion is something that goes along with fertility treatments. There are very few women that I know that haven't plumped up as a result of IVF or IUI, and I am not saying that I hate them, but I do. So today I have decided to take an official stand..."I may have put on weight, I may not fit into all my cute summer cloths, and I may even look a bit like Marshmallow Man from the Ghostbuster’s, but dammit, I am doing this because I am a fertility force to be reckoned with. I am willing to do whatever it takes, for however long it may take, to create that one thing in life that I long for, a family of my own."