Sunday, May 22, 2011

I Hate Google!!

For those of us dealing with infertility, we know that Google is the root of all evil. We Google everything! Now don't get me wrong, through Google you can find a lot of good information, however, it is also filled with a ton of bad, anxiety provoking information. You will find things that you never knew you had to worry about. For people like me that catastrophize everything, Google should be off limits. This afternoon my anxiety about Tuesday started spiraling out of control. All I can think about is what I will do if my RE tells me after the HSG that the septum isn't gone and I need more surgery. I know that he said that there was a small chance, but this evening I took it upon myself to find exactly what my chances are. I started Google'ing terms such as "uterine septum resection," uterine septum surgery," and "septate uterus surgery." Of course a million pages pop up and I start sorting through them. I came across an article on some small study that was performed here in the US that shows that approximately 40% of those needing resection will have remnant which will require an additional surgery(ies). As soon as I read that I started freaking out! 40%?? That seems a bit high! Since I am a medical freak of nature and everything that happens to me accounts for less than 1% of the general population (no joke) I am for sure going to need more surgery. I always refer to myself as the black cloud because if something bad is going to happen, it is going to happen to me. My RE even jokes about this with me but sometimes I get the feeling that he isn't joking...I think I scare him!

I have no idea how I am going to control my anxiety until Tuesday, although there is a part of me that wishes Tuesday would never come. I wish this entire nightmare would just end. If it's not one thing, it's another. I often wonder when I am going to catch a break. People always tell me that "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." If that is the case I wish he wouldn't trust me so much!

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