Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What the hell!!

I am beginning to believe that there is a greater power that is determined to make me miserable. Just when you start having a bit of hope, something else has to go wrong to take it away. This month isn't going well at all. My monitor is indicating that there is an insufficient amount of Estrogen in my system, despite my early cycle levels being good. My levels should have increased dramatically by now but they haven't...I don't understand.

It is kind of ironic as we spend the first 15 or so years of our "womanhood" trying to avoid getting pregnant, not caring if our monthly visitor ever shows up again. It isn't until you decide that it is time to start a family that you realize how difficult the process it. It is easy to take for granted the process of how this happens. Yes, there are those lucky women who get pregnant right away with no problem, but I am finding out how common fertility issues are by talking to other people. I have learned that 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many of them go unnoticed as they happen before a woman even knows that she is pregnant. Just since I started this blog, I have had 3 people that I have known for years confide in me that they too went through much heartbreak, some having a happy ending, others, not so much. It is very frustrating to find out that fertility problems are so common, yet the topic is so taboo.

I am starting to accept that this is not going to be an easy road, by any means. I keep telling myself that I don't need help and that it will happen on its own. Being told that you can't produce children naturally is like being told you aren't a woman. Until you have gone through it, you don't understand. I am very thankful that I have had my husband through all of this as he has been an absolute saint. I am very lucky to have him. I apologize for my sappiness today, but I received an email update today from one of the baby sites that I signed up with when we found out I was pregnant, and it was congratulating me on making it through my first 18 weeks of pregnancy. Not a good day...

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