Friday, February 26, 2010


Well, I am happy to report that I have made it through my first transfusion with nothing but a headache and fatigue. Well, sort of...

Let me start from Wednesday night. I had a total meltdown abut 10pm on Wednesday as it was the first night using Lovenox (injectable blood thinner) and I couldn't seem to get over the fact that I had to stick this inch long needle into my stomach. I almost went to the ER to have a nurse there do it as every time I put the needle up to my stomach I would start violently shaking and sobbing. Needless to say I ended up doing it as I had no choice. Last night went much smoother.

So...after coming home yesterday I was exhausted and laid down for a 3 hour nap. I got up and went to the bathroom and noticed bright pink blood. I immediately freaked out and called the nurse on-call. She said it was probably a mix of the progesterone supplement and the blood thinner but she wanted me to come in this morning to have blood work just in case. When I woke up this morning the bleeding had stopped. When I got to CNY I thought I had to go to the bathroom again but it was a false alarm but I started bleeding again. They assured me not to worry (yeah right!!) and they would call me later with the results. When I got home I thought, yet again, that I had to go to the bathroom and this time I was right but the bleeding got a lot more severe. Again, I freaked out and called CNY immediately. They said that what I was seeing was probably a result of the progesterone building up...they said they see that a lot. Just in case, they have decided to put me on bed rest until my ultrasound on Monday. They did tell me that my HCG again more than doubled bringing it now up to 748. They said that it was excellent! They did say however, that if I am going to miscarry again that there is nothing that can be done (which I already know). They did say that if I was miscarrying that I would have a lot more blood than I do now and I would also be having bad cramps. The only pain I have is gas pains...thank you lovely pregnancy hormones!!

On my ass I will sit all weekend. I am sure that everything is okay but I am afraid to get my hopes up. I will know more on Monday. Who the hell ever said that having a baby was easy!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What a relief!!

So my appointment ended up getting delayed because of this stupid snow so my anxiety had a chance to ruminate for an additional four hours. They came in and drew my blood and warned me if my HCG level didn't quite double it was okay as it hasn't been a full 48 hours and HCG levels should double every 48-72 hours. After they were done they brought in a training kit to show me how to inject the Lovenox, which is a blood thinner similar to Heparin. As soon as they took the needle out and told me that I had to give myself an injection every night in my stomach, I became extremely lightheaded and nauseous. I must have turned white (or green) as the nurse grabbed my arm and asked me if I was okay. I had a hard time responding as there was very loud ringing in my ears and my vision was quite spotty. I finally came to it and realized that the room was now full of staff! I can't believe that I actually blacked out. The only response I had was "what the hell!" After bringing me in something to drink I felt better and I went on my way. About 2pm I received a phone call and the nurse asked me if I was sitting down, so now I am freaking out. She informed me that my HCG more than tripled with the value being 303.2 and my progesterone went up from 25 to over 30. She told my numbers were phenomenal. I am so happy, and a bit relieved.

Tomorrow I have my first IVIG infusion at 9am. I am pretty nervous. They told me to bring in a book or magazines as it is a very slow, and boring process. Despite this wonderful news, I am very excited that I am having my first ultrasound on Monday!

We are still very early in the pregnancy and anything can still happen but I am feeling quite positive that we will be having a baby at the end of October, beginning of November. Once I hold my baby in my arms, everything that I have endured will be worth it.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Is it the hormones??

I don't know if it is the hormones raging through my body or if it is just pure anxiety but my dreams have been out of control. Last night all I dreamt about was losing the baby. I even woke up to find that I was soaked in about being hormonal!!

Tomorrow I go for round 2 of blood work to make sure my HCG levels are doubling every 48-72 hours like they should be. I am quite nervous as it was the second set of blood work back in November that we found out that our pregnancy wasn't viable. Needless to say I am scared to death. CNY called me this morning and said that they collaborated with my Immunologist and decided it was best to start me on specialized blood transfusions called IvIg. The infusions take anywhere from 2-4 hours and I have to have them every 28 days. I was happy to find out that my insurance has agreed to pay for them in full as they are extremely expensive. My first transfusion is Thursday morning. I will post another update tomorrow once I know the results of my blood work.
Everyone say a few prayers for me tonight!!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Where do I start??

Last Thursday we anxiously attended our consultation with the new RE. We were very impressed with the facility as it was both comfortable and relaxing.

We initially sat down with the doctor to go over my past history and to discuss the whole "baby thing." He asked me why I wanted to have a baby so badly and I sat there for a few seconds and I responded "because I can't imagine my life with one." He seemed very happy with that response as he was grinning from ear to ear. He then said "well, lets get started."

A nurse came in to get me for an ultrasound while another one came and got my husband to do the wonderful task of, umm...well, getting is Olympic swimmers into a cup. What this man won't do for me! Anyway, as the doctor was doing the ultrasound his total demeanor changed. I hesitantly asked him what was wrong as I didn't want more bad news. He asked me if any other physician ever said anything about my ovaries. I said "no, why?" He told me that both of my ovaries looked polycystic. He said that this would explain why my periods are so irregular and painful.

I joined my husband back in the consultation room and told him what the doctor had said. At this point I couldn't hold back the tears. The nurse and the doctor both came in and started discussing our options. He said that he recommends going right to IVF or the injectable hormones and IUI, at the very least. Since the insurance covers the IUI we decided that we would go this route to start. I walked out with 3 different meds I had to inject, a progesterone supplement, and a diabetic medication that is supposed to help with the polycystic ovaries. They told me to call them the first day my period started and they would have me come in for a "needle in-service" so I knew how to inject myself.

At this point I am now very excited about getting my period (I think that is a first) and don't you know that it never came on Friday. All I could think is that there is some greater being that absolutely hates me. Saturday morning...nothing...what the hell!! My husband saw how frustrated and stressed I was so he took me out to my favorite Italian restaurant. While we were there my emotions became very overwhelming and I started crying. Needless to say, I thought for sure that this bout of drama was due to my upcoming period.

Sunday morning I woke up and still nothing. I was so fed up! Well, needless to say we had a "kink" in our fertility plans, but it wasn't the kind of kink we expected...

We are cautiously excited!!

I went for blood work this morning and everything looks good so far. I have to go back Wednesday morning to make sure my HcG levels are doubling like they are supposed to. I could have my first ultrasound as early as next week. We are very happy and very cautious at the same time. Once I get through the next 8 weeks, I will feel much better.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sorry for the delay....

I know many of you have been wondering what happened on Thursday and I have been waiting to tell everyone about my experience at CNY Fertility Center. Over the weekend we had a little kink in our fertility plans so I will update my blog as soon as I know what is going on. I am going in to see the doctor tomorrow morning at 8:30 to figure out this "kink" and I will update everyone as soon as I know more. I would rather have the whole story before I share.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

2 Days and Counting!!

I am now counting down the hours to my appointment at CNY. I am having a lot of mixed emotions about what is going to happen. My husband and I have been doing a lot of talking about what to do, as the RE tends to let his patients decide what course to take. We are are up in the air if we should start with Meds and IUI or should we go straight to IVF. We are quite concerned about multiple births with either procedure but naturally IVF carries a higher rate, with IUI the chance is between 20-40% for twins. I wouldn't mind, but my husband would lose his mind! Could you imagine if I was the next Octomom!!

No matter what road we decide to take, it is going to be a long and time consuming journey. With either procedure comes constant monitoring with ultrasounds (generally once a week), injections multiple times a day and the pure anxiety and anticipation of what is happening in the "oven". Until then, I will try to relax...yeah right!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What the hell!!

I am beginning to believe that there is a greater power that is determined to make me miserable. Just when you start having a bit of hope, something else has to go wrong to take it away. This month isn't going well at all. My monitor is indicating that there is an insufficient amount of Estrogen in my system, despite my early cycle levels being good. My levels should have increased dramatically by now but they haven't...I don't understand.

It is kind of ironic as we spend the first 15 or so years of our "womanhood" trying to avoid getting pregnant, not caring if our monthly visitor ever shows up again. It isn't until you decide that it is time to start a family that you realize how difficult the process it. It is easy to take for granted the process of how this happens. Yes, there are those lucky women who get pregnant right away with no problem, but I am finding out how common fertility issues are by talking to other people. I have learned that 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many of them go unnoticed as they happen before a woman even knows that she is pregnant. Just since I started this blog, I have had 3 people that I have known for years confide in me that they too went through much heartbreak, some having a happy ending, others, not so much. It is very frustrating to find out that fertility problems are so common, yet the topic is so taboo.

I am starting to accept that this is not going to be an easy road, by any means. I keep telling myself that I don't need help and that it will happen on its own. Being told that you can't produce children naturally is like being told you aren't a woman. Until you have gone through it, you don't understand. I am very thankful that I have had my husband through all of this as he has been an absolute saint. I am very lucky to have him. I apologize for my sappiness today, but I received an email update today from one of the baby sites that I signed up with when we found out I was pregnant, and it was congratulating me on making it through my first 18 weeks of pregnancy. Not a good day...