Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Why am I writing this blog you ask?

Because we want to have a Baby!! I have been blogging on other sites for a while about various things, but I have decided to start this blog to share some of my experiences about our journey to have a baby. So here is my story to bring you all up to speed:

Back in 1999, I was diagnosed with Stage IA cervical cancer. This means that it was in the earliest stages. It could only be seen under a microscope and did not spread to nearby lymph nodes or other distant sites. I was VERY lucky they caught it when they did. This is partially due to the fact that I was under close watch as my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV uterine cancer when she was 32. I underwent surgery and they were very successful in removing it all. After the surgery, my doctor at the time told me that it would probably be wise for me not to have children as I was at risk of miscarrying the fetus once it reached a certain weight. So for the next 10 years I had it in my mind that I never wanted children. Why want something you can't have, right? I then went on to marry the man of my dreams in November of 2006 and that was that.

Well, fast forward to 2009 when everything started to change. After moving up to Saratoga Springs, I decided to change to a wonderful OB/GYN. We talked at length about my history and then she asked me if I ever planned on having kids. I told her what my previous physician said and she informed me that if I wanted to try and have a baby, she would work with me and get me through it. Over the next few months I really started to think about it and became attached to the idea over the summer. Needless to say I went off my birth control (after being on it for 13 years) and we started to plan things out.

Things didn't go as smoothly as I thought they would. After coming off of the pill, my cycle went crazy. After not getting my period for almost 3 months, she diagnosed me with infertility. I was mortified. We decided that we would give my body a few months to work itself out and then we would take action. Well...needless to say we weren't infertile, we were pregnant. We found out we were pregnant in the beginning of November. She sent me in for an ultrasound about a week later...I remember that it was a Friday evening that we went, and we left without any results. At 2am Saturday morning we got a call from the ER and we were asked to come right in. They ran some blood work, told me that I had a 16mm mass on my right ovary and sent me home. I went back Monday for repeat blood work to make sure everything was okay. At 1:16pm on Monday I received the phone call that no pregnant woman ever wants to get. They told me that my HCG levels (pregnancy hormone) were not increasing like they should and that this pregnancy was ectopic and had to be terminated. My husband took me to the ER where I received 2 injections of Methotrexate to dissolve the pregnancy. I can't even describe the emotions that were running through me. I was angry, confused, sad, all at the same time. How could I be given such a gift just to have it ripped away from me a short time later? I kept telling myself that everything happens for a reason, but deep down inside I didn't believe that. After being discharged from the ER, my husband and I went to the gift shop to get something to drink and something caught my eye. It was a ivory colored porcelain figurine of an angel reaching down to a small child. I refused to leave without it. It now sits in my china cabinet as a reminder of what I had and what could have been.

Since then I have been using a fertility monitor and monitoring my basal body temps to see if there is some kind of abnormality. So far things are not looking very positive but we are waiting for this cycle to finish to see what the outcome is. Keep your fingers crossed.

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